23 Jun 2014

What can.should happen when we sing 'You are worthy'...

It's a song we sing often in my community:


But last Saturday, I felt as if God turned off all the music and sound, and a singular beam shone down on me as He gently probed, "Am I worthy of it all?". 

When you have lived more than four decades, somehow, you don't go happy clappy 'yes' so quickly. Not just so, I am in the wait-zone where He has seemed really quiet; or if he spoke, it has not directly answered my questions. Meanwhile, the wheels of life go round and round.... . Not an enjoyable space. 

And suddenly, I feel like I see this long uneven road all the way behind and ahead of me; and I asked myself, 'Is God worthy of all that I have gone through?" which is to ask -

Am I going about life in a way that reflects His worth?
If God be truly worthy, what price can be too high? Would't that mean joy ought to be a permanent exuberance of my life?

Do I consider that everything I have gone through of worth, since I believe He watches over me - and what's more, somehow, able to bring Him worth?

God is of course worthy of all the good stuff. He is worthy of all my best accolades and successes. He is worthy of all my mighty singing and crazy mixed-stepped dancing. He is worthy of the hard choices, the wee hours of prayer, the study, the pursuit, the quiet... but - to - think that - 
my life - 
with all of the dark splotches, the botched efforts, the present and persistent darkness, the rebellion, the running away... all of it gathered up and offered...and found to be of worth. God asks of nothing more than my life. And my life is a really mixed bag of gems and mostly hard-edged stones.....

I suddenly felt a strange comfort. Even the drear and weariness of seeming to sit forever at the gate waiting to take flight lifted off me.




The light that shone on me now shines from within as I see that the best of what I have in my tiny life is but God himself. Every decision, sacrifice, denial, dying, resisting, surrender --- leads to One thing: more of God. 

So is He worthy of it all?

If God says to lay down my dreams. To step on that pride. To step away, to step down, to step up... whatever, wherever, God himself will meet me at every turn and --

He is worthy of it all

for

He is the source of all that is worthy and worthwhile

So the song is really one of adoration as we marvel at how God Infinite comes to dwell in finite us and works patiently through the dark so His light breaks forth. Let's hear it again :

*


* i picked 2 different versions of the song just because you may like one more.

12 Jun 2014

Because you cannot be overwhelmed ...a reminder of our power

I must have felt overwhelmed many times before in my life, but one time stands out in bold relief in my mind. There were many papers to be submitted, and I had chosen an ambitious project of finding out about the tiny Jewish community in Singapore and write up a research paper on it. I can still see that moment when my mind went into a whirl, I felt choked, and was completely sinking in worry, pretty sure I was not going to make it.

But I did. I breathed deep. I wrote a long list of what needed to be done. I prayed. I decided I would die trying. Then I got started.

Well, nearly thirty years later you would imagine I have had enough practice managing multiple responsibilities and some crises; so I should be this happy lark. This is the weird thing about life. It doesn't get easier - we don't get to be fully on top of everything, it just won't run like clockwork.

So we get overwhelmed - again.

There are two main reasons we feel the demands creeping up around us and we feel unable to tackle them to satisfaction. 

1. it is a particularly crazy season with simply too much going on.
This happens for example when there are plans and commitments and out of the blue there is also a crisis, or a sickness. This is why wisdom suggests we do not fill our days to the brim with plans. Buffers must be built-in.

2. you are actually hurt and in pain.
We all love to believe we are strong; and we are. But we do get hurt and suffer. In one sense, Christians who live with a longing for our true home carry about a pain and weariness because this world doesn't really suit us. But there are specific painful experiences; in fact, pain feels different to each one. Some painful situations don't resolve easily so we are actually living with a measure of pain all the time. This no doubt takes some of our capacity away. 

But even so, the pain is never the final word. Painless-ness is the final word, the apt description of where we are headed. So when we persist in pain, it is because we haven't given time to heal and found right resources for it, or we have forgetten Someone can take it all. We have forgotten to hand it over to Him. We have forgotten to take time for this all-important exchange, where we breathe in peace again.

This is the power I have: to gather up all that's a-tossed within my bosom and hand them over to the Prince of Peace. And how often do I need to do it? Very often. 


In the morning, I hand over what this day is about, how much I will accomplish.An hour later, I hand over my nagging concern about whether my kids are doing ok.By lunch, I have noticed that my heart is still heavy, so I take that to Him again.Evening comes and I find a clarity about my pain, I write briefly about where it comes from, and once again, He gladly took the list.

Often, as I hand it over, He hands me a little something that brings a smile to soul and face:
-notice that little bird nipping merrily among the leaves?
-an email that says "what you do matters, thank you"
-"my child, how can I deny myself and fail to be faithful?"

And then, last week, I learnt afresh about praying with authority. I felt my soul stir and my Father seemed to say, "there you go, forgetting again....". I blushed a little, but as I read, then said the words -- blood rushed within me like torrents of water coursing through the curves and edges within my soul, rushing from headwaters that have come unfrozen and is unleashing its force; His Life reviving within. 

Here is the prayer: 

“In the strong name of Jesus Christ I stand against the world, the flesh and the devil. I resist every force that would seek to distract me from my centre in God. I reject the distorted concepts and ideas that make sin plausible and desirable. I oppose every attempt to keep me from knowing full fellowship with God.

By the power of the Holy Spirit I speak directly to the thoughts, emotions and desires of my heart and command you to find your satisfaction in the infinite variety of God’s love rather than the bland diet of sin. I call upon the good, the true and the beautiful to rise up within me and the evil to subside. I ask for an increase in righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

By the authority of almighty God, I tear down Satan’s strongholds in my life, in the lives of those I love, and in the society in which I live. I take unto myself the weapons of truth, righteousness, peace, salvation, the word of God and prayer. I command every evil influence to leave; you have no right here and I allow you no point of entry.

I ask for an increase of faith, hope, and love so that, by the power of God, I can be a light set on a hill, causing truth and justice to flourish.

These things I pray for the sake of him who loved me and gave himself for me.
 In Jesus’ name, Amen.”


Perhaps this is a prayer you need now.

I still have years ahead of me. Moments of feeling like it is getting too much will surely come again. But - and who cannot help but laugh at this - our crazed upside-down reality that

WHILE we were sinners He died for us.
His Grace is made perfect IN our weakness.
WE ARE more than conquerors through Christ

All happening - God active in the present. Right now. 

So that every moment is shot with the possibility of changing the next.






So when we feel overwhelmed, we know we will not be- because we have this power to hand it over, and this authority to set it in the place it belongs: under His Feet.

So why not sing to it with this bunch:  More Than Conquerors sung by Rend Collective. {click}



4 Jun 2014

Spiritually Destined, Desperate & Destitute - all at once!

This may seem strange, but it is possible to be destined and yet feel both desperation and even a tad destitute.

Destiny is the stuff of dreams. We are headed somewhere, there is gold dust and a rainbow (hopefully with a pot of gold at the bottom) is just round the corner. This is our idea of destiny so often. The thing is, when we have lived several decades, we invariably have said good bye to a few dreams. Some have crashed messily about us and we have been walking careful, hoping that we don't get splintered - again.

And so perhaps, the desperation begins to creep in some. Will my life count for anything in the end? What difference have I really made? I cannot even be sure my children are going to turn out right! Not another crisis?

Where is my happily-ever-after?

So the fairy tale diets we were fed haunts us for we thought we found the shoes, attended the ball, and even danced with the Prince; and now we feel like we are back to the humdrum, mundane, evil dark days of Ordinariness and we are destitute. After all, everyone else with their happy selfies seem more fulfilled.

And what happens? We hold back some. We step back, pull away.

I have been processing some decisions for many months. They are decisions that shape destiny. I notice afresh this morning that even though God has been granting me much peace, there is still that trace of desperation. I have made bold, hard decisions many times; and often it has cost me much. I would be lying to say they did not do me in some.

Disappointment can shrink wrap us.

Not only so, most of us live with an operating system that says, 'at all costs, avoid pain'. This is a dicey one. God designed us with nerves that avoid pain and detect pleasure. But we swing to extremes as usual: we run scared of all hints of pain. We forget how we have risen from the ashes, how we have stared death in the face, how the pain has sometimes kept us in safer places....

Jesus came, and taught us that pain may be a necessary friend. He helps us remember it for his chosen instrument is the Cross.

While we are never told to hurt ourselves; we must realize that being hurt is part of being human; and that Jesus not only understands and feels along with us; he has forever limited the damage it can do to those who turn to Him in simple trust.

"We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralised; 
we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; 
we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; 
we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken...w
hat we believe is tat the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly
raise us up..alive."


And perhaps, this isn't how you feel. It's okay. Let the Word wash over you until it soaks into your fibres and you are nourished to read it with resonance. For:

"Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, 
on the inside, where God is making new life, 
not a day goes by without his unfolding grace."

And why not join me over here to mark  Grace unfolding. For record keeping of the good stuff is what finally gives us shape.



And then, let's Dance to this wild promise; for that's the 'D' that can thread the Destiny, Desperation and sense of Destitution in our days. Dancing is feet that have learnt to follow Another's.


"These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, 
the lavish celebration prepared for us. 
There's far more than meets the eye...
The things we can't see now will last forever."



 ~ Today's Scripture taken from 2 Corinthians 4, The Message