Write Woes

This happens way-too-often. It is not acceptable; but I do not at the moment have any inkling what the real solution is. Of course, I can think up a good number of reasons for why it happens. But thinking up reasons do not naturally lead to a solution.

It is true that being a relatively weak swimmer and generally afraid of the sensation where I am not grounded, I must at least be tethered to something reliable, like a building. I did try diving once, and in a rather foolish manner too. The jolly folk took me to a swimming pool, taught me in an hour about how to breathe only through my mouth, and to beware of some oxygen bubble, and off we sailed towards the Great barrier Reef. Between all that money spent and the choppy waters, I let myself down clumsily, clung on to a rope as I bobbed hopelessly about. Since I could not ever remove that mouth piece, I screamed silently down the ten meters or so. So the reasoning that perhaps my struggle would break forth into a new freedom if I dared dive in wasn't a picture that quite worked for me. In fact, it felt akin to an invitation to take a walk in a black hole.  I have not been near one; but the vast ocean with no four steps to climb out of and a rim to make for feels a lot like a black hole to me; and it is a total waste of time to visit a black hole. What can one get out of it?

It is also true that I am a small person; and by this I do not merely mean my physical stature. I am fully aware that I can only stand in the shadows of the many great men and women who wield the pen and honestly will be at an utter and complete loss as to what to say if I should get a chance to talk with any of them; which is to say that they can say it and have said it all better than me anyway, so why bother.

It is also true that I live in a small country where we have for decades been feeding off the hands of what we deem to be our cultural superiors, the ang mohs. I am sure there is some psychological phenomenon with a label on it for this. The result is that local writers very rarely occupy any shelf space in a bookstore and if you write for a subset of the reading population; then that precious bit of real estate will not be allocated to you – yes, the way things are.

So - I have these thoughts, faces, ideas that seem to rise like a mist and they coax and cajole me every day. I think I am supposed to take a closer look, to dive deeper, to listen and then find the words and string them. But I don’t. Instead all I end up with is an infatuation. I never make a date. The appointment is not set, the exchange is not made, and the conversation is never recorded. I am feverish with excitement for the moments when the muse visits but my page is blank, still.

What genre? Where does it fit? Why would anyone care to read about the very first real-life Irishman I ever met? What if the said Irishman read it and I have totally warped who he is? I wouldn’t like to read what sounds so much like me that also make me out to be someone I am not. What to do.

I tried to tweet myself out of this, just. I composed an elegant one hundred and twenty characters. It feels better, as if, I at least showed up for work. But who am I fooling?

Perhaps in the end, the solution isn't rocket science. I just made my nine-year old redo his English composition. I should just mother myself into being a good child and getting my writing done.

Your ideas are welcome. Please leave them in the comments. Thank you!

Don't come, don't come Immanuel....?

I am guessing that like me, as Christmas loomed; you started sweating (we call it praying) about who to invite so they can hear the Good News and we can rejoice that one soul has come home. It is good that we take our evangelistic task seriously. I do, and you should too.

But, I have come to realize that our ideas often don't match that of those we seek to reach.

You see, if you live in water for a while and swim around merrily and start becoming a fish; you stop thinking about the water. But the bird looking at the fish (if the bird even bothers to) cannot fully make sense of the water and the gliding and flashing movements of the fish!

When it comes to Christmas, we are excited over it for very different reasons.


The answer to this is not to reduce Christmas to turkey, buffets and reindeers in order to connect.

The answer is for us to dive deeper into why God would condescend (that's what it is and more) so as to cross a permanently uncross-able threshold, become a bundle of cells that multiply rapidly in the waters of a finite human womb. Just think about that. 

We must bring the Wonder of Christmas back in order to have wonder-full words and gleaming faces that will put all the jingles, bright lights and partying to a pale.

I invited a family to church, and attempted engaging folks on the meaning of Christmas. I gave out gifts to neighbours, wished them well and offered a listening ear. I harbor hopes of them saying "tell me more", or "we're coming to church with you"... but as it often happens for me, there is polite refusal. In fact, in some cases, I get a kind, careful rejection (which means I get to try again at Easter!).

Friends, we sing 'O Come O Come Immanuel'. But for those we reach out to, it may well be 'Don't come, don't come'!

Like Herod, the king.

Jesus was born at a time when an egotistic, maniacal fellow named Herod was king; he who loved his life, luxuries, power, and position. To secure it, he gave orders to have a whole generation of children two years and younger killed. Mass massacre of innocent children just so that his position would be secure. Paranoid and sick. Violent and evil.

We balk at this and seldom think about how fiercely people can react to God and perceived threats.

It's not this serious in my experiences so far; but this year, I actually sense some tense up. A few ladies in my exercise class have some inkling that I am a Christian; and isn't it common knowledge that Christians evangelise! I'm probably too sensitive, but this week the room emptied out really quickly when class ended before I can invite anyone! (O you felt it too at work?).

The answer to this is not to shy of it but to be prepared for this rejection, plus to ask: 

is it Christ they reject, or us?


This is a great time for confession, so here's mine. I wasn't bright enough to figure this so God had to tap-tap on my shoulder and highlight it to me! Sandwiched between the Great Commission and the Sweet Compassion are other reasons why  I want to bring the Good News...yes, gasp, it is because -

some folks need fixing
if my family members are on the same page with me, life would be better (for all of us, especially me)
it is right and meet to do it (after all I am a pastor)

These reasons are valid and understandable taken our human frailty; but they lack two important ingredient: love and Jesus. These two ingredients are like one compound really. No Jesus, no love; and the other way around too.

From all indications of how we scurry and hurry about; supply of this ingredient while generous and available is not often accessed and used!

The answer to this is to pray for the love; and talk to Jesus about the people. Both of these do not sit easily with the great Singapore values of efficiency & getting-the-best-deal though.


It's two days from Christmas and I am very concerned about seeing seismic change in the lives of a family I am hosting. It's a fantastic opportunity and our conversations after so many years have finally gotten a little more open and honest. My mind runs through a list of things to tell them, especially the father, stuff he must know to straighten his life. And as I am racing along on this amazing mission, the Spirit reins me in and reminds me to just be kind... to be kind, like Jesus would.

The Spirit leads me to take it all to Jesus and simply thank him for the insights and also entrust the opportunity, and ask for alertness to the Spirit's wind, for -

"Spirit gives birth to spirit...the wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes form or where it is going.So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." ~ John 3v6-7

More Wonder.

We are going to be left wondering who, why, when walked, waltzed or got whipped into the Kingdom!

Let's not so easily shock at negativity and objections to Christianity.
Let's check that Christ is clearly in front.
Let's flow with the Spirit's graceful moves and stand back at the power of His Wind!

Have a   WONDER-full   CHRISTmas    dear friends!

Christmas through eyes like yours and mine: Bethlehem

Politics! 

We may not like to have anything more to do with politics than complain over coffee-shop talk and online chats; but all our lives are shaped by politics. So was the life of the King of Kings and Lord of lords. 
When God sent Jesus into the world; he was not exempted from the political realities of his day.

His birthplace, Bethlehem, a small town, was under Roman rule. His parents actually lived in Nazareth (more than 100km away - and note, no cars then so the journey was a long and arduous one); but because of a political decision; they had to make the long trek to Bethlehem.

Politics!
And
God!

This is where most of us feel lost. But in the Bible, God stands over politics.

Bethlehem was mentioned a few hundred years earlier by a minor prophet Micah (he is minor not because of age but because the book that bears his name is a short one):

 But you, Bethlehem Ephratah, you are little to be among the clans of Judah; [yet] out of you shall One come forth for Me Who is to be Ruler in Israel, Whose goings forth have been from of old, from ancient days (eternity). ~ Micah 5v2 (amplified version) 

So yes, the poor young couple.

God knew they had to make that crazy journey. 

It's not honeymoon. It is so inconvenient! What about setting up home first? How about being near immediate family?Surely God could choose a better time? We ask these questions of our lives, we who buy into the lies that the good life, even the God-favoured one is full of clappy-sappy-goodness.

No, not in God's plan.

God's plan to save you and I involved a young couple going through disgrace (see how the modern facebook version may go: Joe's fb account (imagined) ), leaving the familiar, making a long, tiresome journey to end up in a small town and - not being able to find a room; and so had to stay in some sort of out-house (the Bible doesn't use the word 'stable') because the inns were full.. and there, in a strange place, Mary delivers into the world its Saviour!

I remember reading this when I was nearly six months pregnant with my first child. By then, the worst of the morning sicknesses had passed. But my heart entered a new deeper place as I understood then what it felt like to be with child. I was bemoaning some of my circumstances then, but all I hankered after was personal comfort and affections of loved ones... and all of it for myself. Mary was carrying a child of eternal import and yet, her circumstances were so dire and threadbare.
Did God subject His Son and his vessels to all of these?

Yes he did.

We so don't get God's heart and His ways.

Even if I have said my prayer to ask Jesus into my life; I say it again often - especially this Advent season; because I so easily shut the door at him all over again as I whine about my life and confuse gifts with entitlements, losing sight that it is all Grace!

God puts His plan into motion. Human agencies and political powers all comply - knowingly or not, willingly or not.

You and I, brought into His house (for Bethlehem is the house of bread) to eat and to take what we are given and share - will we willingly and knowingly comply with God's plans?

And if I can find a clue for how Mary did it; it must be in the song she sang months earlier in response to God:

My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my saviour,
for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One hs done great things for me -
holy is his name.
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.... ~ Luke 1v46-50

Mary sees God's plan as a stupendous outpouring of mercy and that His choice of her is All Grace and will lead to exaltation. Wow. What will happen to us and how we live through our days if this is our view of things?

What if this is our view of politics too? I cannot tell for sure if Mary never grumbled against the Roman oppressors; but I see her view as higher than that. The Saviour she was privileged to raise certainly never fought the powers head-on; knowing they are but instituted by God and needed to remember their place.

What is your view of your life this Christmas?
Is God over all, and will work through it all?
Is Grace your story and exaltation by God your glory?

other prophecies about Jesus {click}

Christmas through eyes - like yours and mine

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word ‘Christmas’?

Even as a pastor I find a little effort is required to focus on the Christ of Christmas as images of silly reindeer, a fat man in a red suit shouting ho-ho, jingles, bright lights and presents crowd into my view.

You too?

How did we get to see everything the same way? Big media. The loud, powerful, bright images and scintillating words have trained us over the years with the repetitive snapshots of buy-spend-eat Christmas.

But, the first Christmas, was a very different story.

It happened in a small sleepy suburb that was stirring only because some political order was given that made everyone pack a mule and muck some miles. Beyond this sudden influx of original inhabitants that needed to return to comply with a census, everything and everyone was going about business as usual; which wasn’t exactly a roaring city-scene.

I think if we step back from all that the media is yelling at us; if we stayed home just one night and refuse to turn to any form of media; maybe, just maybe, we can come closer to what Christmas is truly like. 

Maybe we can come closer and identify with some of these who were present when it all happened:

Shepherds

“and there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the LORD appeared to them, and the glory of the LORD shone around them, and they were terrified….Suddenly, a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God..” ~ Luke 2v8,9,13

I am guessing you never had an angel suddenly appear as you are marking those exam papers or reading your emails. I haven’t. But if I did, I would feel terrified as these shepherds did.

But what do we have on our greeting cards? Some meek, fairly frozen guys in robes, usually one cuddling a lil lamb. Pretty. Hallmark. Yes, it’s become hallmark; but it’s wrong. Those shepherds were anything but calm and relaxed!

First one angel, and then a whole lot of them – the whole night sky ablazed as heaven invaded earth-o-sphere and the usual blackness of the night sky is shining with light hitherto unseen. We don’t know how long this heavenly presentation lasted... but when it ended; the shepherds did what they felt compelled to: figure out a way to settle the sheep and go check out the news.

To a group of powerless, sheep-smelling men God chose to reveal the greatest event in humankind. (if our news networks got it today; what would become of it?). Simple shepherds who would be at a loss to find words to describe whatever they experienced except in the simplest of terms were privileged to receive the news. These shepherds, all shaken and awakened from their soporific states “spread the word …and all who heard it were amazed.”

Why cannot you and I share this such that those who hear it are amazed?

It’s become too familiar and not frightful enough. God came! We ought to get off our derriere to check it out and try to put it all in words!

For some of us, our spiritual awakening was indeed like the shepherds: we were going about our business and it got interrupted so big time we had to make a break with whatever we were doing in order to break the news.

But we find God-interruptions quite inconvenient. We wish they cease so we can return to ‘normal’; not realizing what we have isn’t normal by design at all. God breaks in to break us out of moulds that would stifle and eventually kill us. Like the shepherds, we need to find a way to check out the interruptions and find words to express what it all means.

Those shepherds probably remained shepherds. But the quiet as the sun sets, the grass, the night sky, even the sheep – have forever been touched by heaven. God can break in and what seems so mundane, ordinary and even, hopeless has forever been touched by glory. And their lowly jobs with those dumb, stubborn creatures? Well, you never know, angels show up.

And this openness to heaven, to God interrupting, to surprises, to angelic visitations lingered on in the church :

“do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for some have entertained angels unawares.” ~ Hebrews 13v2

Has 2014 sprung some surprises for you?
Did any of it feel just like heaven invading your earth-space? Is God wanting to share some news with you?
How can you live more ready for God-interruptions?
How can you be more careful about what feels 'normal' to you so you won't end up God?

 Next stop: Bethlehem


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a thousand lights that won't lead us home.. but one that will : Christmas peace friends!

Every year, the main shopping belt in Singapore gets lit-to-the-max. Yes, it is Christmas, the season for shops and retailers to cast a wide net and gather a huge catch. Lights help here: those glorious baubles, stars, 3D castles, machine-generated snow... the gold, blue, red, diamante colours.

It is a beautiful and enchanting sight that lifts the soul, if for a few moments, to some higher plane of wonder, delight, and relish.

Yes, we even call in those arctic creatures, the reindeer to help rein in the crowds and gamely remind them of the ho-ho of it all - the goodness of giving and receiving.

Perhaps these lights draw us in and lift us because we are afraid of the dark and darkness. Which one of us has not had a frightful experience with that? The child begs for the light to stay on for monsters lurk in the dark. When we cannot see, our minds run a lil' wild.

But there are lights, and there are lights.

Leaving a lil night light is helpful enough, but there are lights we torch that can hurt us ~

...all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand: you will lie down in torment.   

~ Isaiah 50v11

Major ouch.

A lack of peace,
a turning and a tossing,
a fearful anticipation.

fretting over gifts (we hope to have and wish to give)
worrying we may forget someone 'important'
feeling still angry, even hating
knowing deep within we are unforgiven and unforgiving
lonely
afraid as the days are turning into a new year and your plans are drafts

For everyone single one of these we may well have some plan, answer or defense made ready.
But our little torches of how to answer and 'don't dwell on it' won't suffice to get us to experience the angelic announcement over this season: peace on earth and goodwill to man.

You have no idea how much light you need if you won't consider how dark it can get.

No one brings a toy torch light or a half-filled gas lamp for a camping trip in the wilderness.The dark will soon overtake and it will be futile. We are camping for a while in a wide wilderness, en route home. Yes, we can build a campfire in this case. But sometimes. the journey takes us to deserts and strong winds and all we have is sun, moon and stars. The Bedouins learn to rest when it's too hot to travel and navigate by moonlight and stars.

But we? We just push on. City folk with our days made long by artificial light, our sense of prowess and control reiterated to us with every successful sale, every goal attained, every relationship milked. We push on. When we are not sure, we look inside our bag for another torch to light the way.

All this while, the darkness can be encroaching upon us. We wake up and we are shocked at the world news. What has our world come to?!

Christmas is God entering this world engulfed in darkness and piercing the dark to let in the Light.

The storytellers are right: it is an epic battle of dark and light.

A battle out there,yes, but really, it begins inside us. Each of us.

How about this Christmas we let the smaller lights remind us of the Great Light.

Jesus said,

I am the Light of the world, whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. ~ John 8v12

In the wild as in the desert, no one travels alone. You file up and you want to make sure you follow a trustworthy guide. Jesus offers to lead us, to light the way. He invites us to fall in step.

Stop dashing around. Stop ignoring your heart's cries, aches and longings. The caverns of our soul is a huge space for Light to enter and shine around - as the darkness flees.

This Christmas, amid all the lights and sights, how about slowing down and sitting with Jesus, rest from the heat of the day and talk about your heart; and invite the Light in.

Peace on earth, goodwill to man - - because peace in us, goodwill to you!

Traveler's Views and Notes

~ an expensive trip for a frugal soul

the last two years we made long, costly trips. in 2012 i felt we needed to visit my brother in the USA. thankfully we did and enjoyed precious memories together: trying to ski, sitting by the fireplace, talking about the American elections, and most of all, the late night talks between us, about God. I still remember praying for snow for my son who has never seen that most magical sight: a snowfall. and just an hour before we needed to ride to the airport; there they came, floating down, gently at first! we grabbed our coats and dashed out the house to dance about in the falling of water in most beautiful forms! Hope seemed to bounce about us.

last june, i made a similar trip - but to bid him adieu from this side of heaven. a very different trip - back to the same lovely house of his on his sprawling yard; but this time it was sorting things out, crying, some laughing and as the family members poured in, food and more food; and more tears even as Grace wrapped around us and wove some fresh bonds.

earlier this year, the hubs and i while talking realised we never ever did have what is called a 'sabbatical'. still, we were grateful for the many pit-stops over the years to refuel and stay sane. then we thought, why not go to the one place we both love alot; and now that the kids are older, they will appreciate it more. New Zealand. Land of seas, sounds and sheep! 

but as i began to plan, i struggled. drawing out money to pay for trip to be with people we love makes sense to me. going on a trip just to enjoy ourselves felt so indulgent; especially when i am still learning Jesus' heart for the poor. i felt this strange conflict brewing in me. i wasn't sure where to place the line. my children have asked me before, "are we rich?". at first, my answer was "no". we were not rich by Singapore standards, when compared with many of our peers. But then, more recently, i have told them we are; because more than 80% of the world live with less than $10 a day.

so i kept checking back with the hubs our budget. can we really do this? 

we did it. we paid a tidy sum to-just-rest. it seems rather silly; but this is the state of our world. it tires

 us out so much. 

we skipped around animal poo on farms and talked with llamas, deer, sheep, chickens, ducks, seals, dogs, cats.. we drove or sat in an 11-hour train journey and went ooo and aah over the endless stretches of sea, rolling tussocks, sheep and cattle. we cooked and ate when we were hungry and basked in the long summer hours, exploring lakesides and glaciers. it was a lot of fun! we felt so enlivened to be so immersed in the beauty and power of creation. 

i had told the children why we are taking the trip: that we have both love the vast land; that there will be plenty for them to experience, that we will build great memories. i had reminded them of the expense and our values of not wasting and although i had thought to give some a little pocket change to spend; in the end, they both held back and didn't spend a cent on purchases! we came back just with ourselves, fattened by our wonderful experiences.

despite my inner struggle with the cost, amid the fears of spending alot and not getting a good return, the real and present danger of having to manage little tiffs and skirmishes of the heart..this was a trip held by Peace.

it was not so much about going away to get; but a making time and space to go deeper into something God had been seeking to deposit in our lives. Some times, we have to break our rhythms and even escape the scene to see and feel God's gifts deep enough they enter our beings.

At one point, i felt as if God himself stood between me and all my questions and anxieties and shielded me from the raucous soul-noises and just let me en-joy. a true vacation is one where you vacate the scene and just be.

and like the waters that are still reflect all the grandeur and beauty here, a quieted soul can take in the light and shape of all that is around and let them express without distorting them as rushing waters would.

~ wow, we did that?

i have a fear of heights while the hubs gets sick from motion. but i mounted a horse that must have been twelve hands tall and we took a small ski plane up to walk on snow upon ice! a lot of the time we felt too cold than we were used to; but mostly the weather permitted us to drive safely and enjoy the activities we did.

at mount cook, we were told the winds could get so strong that once the hotel windows all blew in and crashed. the hotel is solid reinforced steel and quite metallic and ugly-looking in order to survive the wild winds that come with such virgin territory. for the four little Singaporeans dizzy with delight? we had that "one fine, fantastic day" to fly out into the mountains the guide told us. 

young explorers at mount cook

without very precise planning {as i am not capable of it}  - we had moved in car, train, ship, horseback and on foot. we had lived in the city, in a monastery cradled in a valley, next to the sea, in the mountains and in a forest with deers around us!

Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination ~ Drake.

Travel well friends!