Loss and Lament - a reflection on doing something new

Death is harsh, and one can never fully be ready for it.

Grief is awkward - the kind of awkward that is the cumulative effect of feeling weak, sorry, guilty, vulnerable, being a sore burden and more. Loss is universal, who has not felt it, even if we at first did not recognize it as such?

Yet nothing disarms and connects us to God and each other as sharing in suffering. It is as if our souls have a wire that lights and burns a life-giving glow when the touchpoints of our pain connect. We feel validated, normal, understood. I also know that many of us don’t grieve well and so never reach this gift of solidarity or find out that grief can be the soil of healing and fresh possibilities. So, I decided to try a new thing that isn’t common in churches here: hold a Loss and Lament service.

As a pastor, I am familiar with sitting with the bereaved, organizing memorials and leading funeral services. I had to do a few of my own on four occasions due to the sudden deaths of my loved ones. But this is going to be different. It will be an entire service dedicated to coming to God with our pains, burdens and silent screams. As I shared with a few and began scripting, I realised that Loss and Lament are parallel rivers that share tributaries and I needed to let each have its own flow.

So it became two services. Aug 22 2020 The day began like any other except for the nervous excitement within me. I had put it out on email and social media and still did not have the final list that registered for the online zoom service. With a few hours to go, I browsed the newspapers and saw this advert for a smart watch which my mother-in-law had asked for. It was not a good decision as it led me on a wild online purchase ride that rattled me quite a bit, not the least of which is to find that the shop is in France and basically operates in French. Anyway, after some desperate attempts to clarify and block a double billing, I had to let it go and prepare myself for the service! Then I received word that tech support guy had taken ill. (Let’s just say writing on Medium was already a tech feat for me.) But the service must go on, and it did, even if I had to wave at my zoom host from across the room at several points and my camera froze at another point. Thirty-four persons turned up.

I began the service with a memory that floated to my consciousness, about a time I fell from my bike and just sat on the grass, crying tears too large and many for an adult in an accident like this.

The tears were not because of embarrassment of the the fall and the pain it inflicted, they came from a deeper place. They were overdue tears, waiting for me to be ready to pay attention, to be weak enough to stop holding it all in, to be real. The tears was the stream that connected all I was carrying from the losses I had not properly grieved. As the waters gushed, things got surfaced.

I encouraged us to let the tears come, to mourn, to speak our losses.

In my breakout, I was surprised to see my old friend, and a man who in moments, broke into tears.

We considered how God himself is familiar with loss. God's initial dream of Eden was dashed with a wrong exercise of free will. God's spectacular deliverance of a million slaves dissipated with the grumbling and politicking of these have-nots. God's pursuit was spurned again and again. O yes, God is familiar with Loss.

And so we can come and sit with him in silent communion - who has words equal to any of this?

We come to the Father God of all comfort.

We come to a Saviour who promised that as we mourned, we are blessed for we shall be comforted.

We come to the activity of the Holy Spirit who guides us into all truth.

Slowly, we waded into our rivers of loss.

Some got uncomfortable. Most dipped their toes. Many sat under the flow and were surprised it wasn't washing them away, but washing them clearer. As the service progressed, words like these were shared on the chat:

released

peaceful

thoughtful

lighter

calm

reassured

encouraged

unload

free

conscious

loved

Also,

dejected

mourning

pensive

A grief counselor, shared in the chat that she had just lost a newborn grand nephew. None of us got back what we lost. But you can lose through your loss, far more than you need to. You can lose your zeal for life, imagination, loving feelings, faith in yourself, curiosity and hope. While we can’t undo losses, we can grieve in a way that it does not bleed into all of our life and leave a dastardly stain. Aug 29 2020

To lament feels too close to grumbling and complaining, so it feels wrong for the faithful to indulge it. But in truth, we all do it. We cannot help it. There is so much wrong with the world. We lament and wish for a simpler time gone by or hope for a different outcome despite the trajectory.

The Bible realistically records this human need to lament. It's right in the middle with the Psalms, the prophets do it and journal it, and historical events tell of women especially, who lament and wait because of the evil that led to the death of their children and the destruction of their homes.

I urged us not to live half of our lives, just focused on polishing and projecting just the shiny side of us. I urged us to brave the dark and see the treasure hidden in places we rather avoid. I said we were not going to take an emotional shortcut.

Jesus did not take the shortcut.

He lived the stuff of life, and he lamented the state of affairs, the hardness of heart and the dullness of mind.

To help us lament well, in the spirit that Christ did, we stared for minutes at three art pieces that portrayed the Christ figure.

Then we watched this seven minute news documentary about the world in 2019 - image after image of strife, violence, anger and destruction.

It was hard to reckon that so much happened within twelve months, and we barely remember most of it, seeing that 2020 has hit us all with a gale-force of epic scale.

O yes, we needed to lament -- but most of us were too tired, numbed and overwhelmed to do so.

But lamenting for the Christian is the necessary pathway to the eternal trifecta of faith, hope and love.

Without lament, faith is often a wafer thin propositional position that we get all defensive about, hope is mostly an emotional state that requires positive circumstances to prop up, and love, that remains confusing and impossible for us.

In lament we have to face squarely the darkness that humans are capable of doing to each other and our precious shared planet. In lament, we have to confront the limits of good intentions and positive interventions. In lament, we have to admit that "the line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, ... nor between political parties either -- but right through every human heart -- and through all human hearts”*.

Through Lament service I wanted to help us to lament well -- and so live stronger, truer and more committed to all that is good, true and beautiful.

On my way to host the Lament service, I slipped on a wet spot threw the two bags on my shoulder to the ground and broke my fall with my hands and knees. It had already rained most of the day, making it feel like the skies were weeping right along.

Then we had three tech hiccups - enough for a minor lament of its own.

---

The two services are now done.

I shall yet lose more things along the way which may well be the only way to gain some things.

I will continue to lament my own darkness as well as the dark around me.

But comfort, communion with God, and the things that truly last: faith, hope and love, shall be my portion and legacy.

These can be yours too if you allow yourself to grieve and lament.

*Alexander Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago

God's Amazing Plan of Motherhood (and Sp Parenting)

Fearlessness is faith unleashed.

Mothering ignites faith.
You have to believe.

That breastmilk is best and so time, pump, feed, store (Olympic athelete Montana pumps, stores and ships her milk across the globe!).

That your child is unique and worth protecting, nourishing, nurturing.

That sacrifices are a holy exchange of life when you lose sleep and develop a whole new lifestyle so that a new life can be birthed and raised.

That while the system is good, it isn’t perfect and you have to many times, stand up for your child.

That your words, hugs, look of love, meals, stories, prayers make a difference.

And faith unleashed, makes you a fearless warrior, fighting for what truly matters: life.



Any good warrior tells you there are

boring routines

necessary and often painful disciplines to gain muscle and develop strength

sacrifices of comfort and ease

the need to develop a mindset and a tough heart

because there is a battle worth fighting for.

And the warrior is made, not born. He began as a recruit, a legionary, a simple soldier reporting for duty.



There are many ways to see and do life.

The most common is to go with the flow.

You move from one stage of life to the next, because you are ‘old enough’, ‘it’s time’, ‘expectations and body clocks kick in… This does not mean you don’t plan. In fact, you plan quite well, from thinking through options, weighing pros and cons, consulting others, doing the Math and so on… The question is whether these ways are life-giving ways, wise ways, enduring ways.

Another way to go with the flow is takes a ‘come what may’ approach and hate to plan, it’s a moment-by-moment flow. This is highly popular with the younger set, who eventually give to the need to forecast and therefore to endure the dread of discipline grudgingly.

Following the flow isn’t morally wrong, but it is easily driven by FOMO (fear of missing out) and by sheer fear (of change and taking ownership). It is easy to see how one can drift or become indistinguishable from the crowd.

This is the soldiering part of life.

At some point, life presents you with the opportunity to become a warrior.

You choose battles

You train

You fight

You win and you lose



Along the way, faith is built and fear is banished.

This is God's design, where he invites us to give up what we hold so tightly on to, and trust him for something better. Perhaps our success-to-date, our comfortable lifestyles, our well-planned ideals... which wrap within them a whole lot of fears and anxieties, aspirations and disappointments. We grasp on afraid to let go...

But if we only will!

The journey of leaning into a new journey, unfamiliar experiences, stuff we don't think we can do... that how we get to feel in our bones and our sinews the deep truth that even if our battles are similar or related, each of us is a unique individual with a destiny.

A journey that requires maturation - a dedicated process that works.


The guys have their journey from motley solider to unique warrior.

For women, mothering is the unique journey.

As I have yielded my body to God’s wondrous design to host life. As I have let my heart soften to the coos and cries of my child. As I have given up sleep, entertainment, a whole familiar and comfortable way of life. As I have made choice after choice to be the adult, grow myself and be at my best for my child(ren)....  I have done the equivalent of digging trenches, countless marches, sweat-soaked training, even arming myself. (and hence we have asked a Minister once to pay SAHMs coz it's like national service).

The trench of going over the same thing, feeding, diaper changing, repeating that story for a hundredth time… these repetitive acts dig a trench of safety for us to huddle in. 

The march back and forth to soothe and quieten, fetch another drink, patiently guide unsteady hands to pick up another toy. 

The days when there is hardly time to get a proper shower (and thankfully bub never ever minds it) much less have a slow go at the throne. 

Picking up my weapons of prayer and intercession….polished to a shine from use.

It’s so common to hear moms say they are surprised by how they can sacrifice, and how they now realise the depth of what their moms went through. But that’s merely scratching the surface.

Motherhood is deep stuff.

God carves capacities in us that cannot come another way.

The capacity of faith lies at the heart of it.

Mothering (and Sp Parenting) is hard. It can be unpredictable. It’s been said there are no guarantees (but that’s most of life anyway). You recognise the limits of control... yet -

If we accept that this is God’s wisdom and lean into it, we can become warriors who are fearless.



We know what it’s like to sleep two hours and still function.

We know our bodies mend and heal.

We know we can think deep and talk simple.

We know we can invent solutions and face crises (from meal planning to stretching the dollar to averting accidents).

We know we can adjudicate, negotiate, persuade, coach.

We know we can serve joyfully.

We know we can appreciate the present moment and find delight in simple things.

We know we can speak up and stand up for what we believe in.


Tell me, is this not maturity, a growing fullness in our humanity, a carpe diem seizing of our lives to make it count, and a confident way to leave a legacy?

I remember a young mom who was abjectly frustrated for her style in life is to plan to the hilt and enjoy the control she had. Mothering shattered this false illusion for her. Hopefully, more than merely soldiering on and hoping things ease up, she dug in and transformed into a warrior!

Soldiers become warriors when they quit pining for life outside the camp, but dig into life in the camp and take the battle seriously.


The ‘wisdom’ of the world is to lie to you that it is all about loss. Sniff out this false narrative quickly. That’s the world’s favourite presentation: you are going to lose out.

And sure, perhaps you may never get that job (or your figure) back.

But is that truly a loss? Really, is your life the work you do and the shape of your body?


The world isn’t operating on God’s agenda, but is reeling from a determined rebellion against God. How can it offer you and I what is truly life-giving and eternal?



God’s ways are going to be inconvenient and counter-cultural in such a world.

Caring for someone else, being generous, ‘wasting’ time going over the same “why?”, not having full control over life (you cannot even control bodily functions of your baby ok) - is how God designed life so that he can delight us with His care, provision, wisdom and strength.

Mothering and all forms of parenting  is God’s marvelous design to build life into us as we follow our faith.

When I decided to prioritise my family, I wasn’t able to foresee much of anything. But I knew enough to know that it’s an illusion anyway to think we can shape outcomes so easily. But the true north of this priority unfolded in marvelous ways.

Today I continue in my pastoral calling (although it isn’t a very conventional ‘format’), I have embarked on a writing journey and authored six books. I have had to face up to my many skeletons and heal! Along the way, I have found so many wonderful women soul sisters. Now that my children are more grown, and I am warrior-like, I feel so excited about what faith will unleash next!

This is the other way to live: go with the faith.

What do you really believe in?

true trIumpH

Who can we trust?
Where are the real victories?

Politicians flip what they say, especially on a campaign trail. The media has been shown up for their biases. Religious leaders reveal shocking political positions. Who do we trust?

The Democrats are in despair, while the Republicans are celebrating a restoration of historic constitutional values. Meanwhile, real people are already feeling the effects: just recently, we read of christian business owners who sometimes closed their shops because of the effects of a Supreme Court decision. Yet in recent months, we are also hearing stories of children and women feeling unsafe as they are being taunted because of a licence given to another form of 'freedom' (or superiority). What is considered victory?


What must we learn from the recent election - that God is calling his people to?

1. we are all trumpets

I am afraid we are all racist, xenophobes, biased and frightfully insecure in our own ways about different things. We all operate at some level with stereotypes. But we were able to live and let live. We were able to know without so many words that all human community and convention is best not over-analysed. Life is to be lived, not yelled at.

Here in Singapore, we grew up with silly jokes about each other. Let's be honest, we told racist jokes, we beleaguer our government, we complain about everything. Yet we knew there was a line we did not cross. Rarely did we mean ill. We saw each other as equally tried and challenged by the realities of life, even though we will envy the rich (and equally make stereotypical jokes about them too).

The internet however, has made it way too easy for us to confuse our need for self-broadcast with mindless spewing of personal opinions, often without regard for its consequence. Love thy neighbour seems not to apply online.

Recently I even learnt a new word from friends, kolaveri. It's meant to be a friendly tease, used among Tamil youths to indicate that the cranky person should back off. Its literal meaning is murderous rage, which we are seeing plenty of these days alas.

Our human desire for an audience drives us to jump in on all the confusing stuff flying around, often without careful and prayerful thought. Christians are going, "XX endorses the candidate" as if XX is God speaking, and we send echoes reverberating.

"Be slow to speak (type/share/like), slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God."  ~ James 1v19 

is probably the needful application of biblical wisdom here.

James is not saying there isn't a place for indignation that issues in actions for justice. But he very honestly shows us the shadows in our hearts and calls us to rein in our speech and our strong emotions. We just don't so easily know God's right way in any given situation, especially one as complex as this... yet -

2. we are all truth-bearers

Each of us bear witness to truth. We all bear witness to our particular story and the truths found there. We all contribute to the larger story and the truths we will uphold together.

From the American dream to the Singapore Home, the rhetoric is always about things getting better. Understandably, leadership calls for the need to cast a vision of hope. The reality for many however is looking and feeling dreadfully grim. And we are not surprised if we read our Bibles.

Yet the human heart always will need these few things: faith, hope, love.  We will differ on where we find it, experience it and express it.

The young gay man and his straight friend both need love. We all bear witness to these needs. I want to tell those who disagree it is alright. I also want to tell them that when they are vicious in their words, it hurts, for they, and our relationship matter to me. My friends are not a bunch of opinions. They are real beings with real hearts and real needs.

There is one truth that can bring us together, if we are willing. The story that unites us all. It is the honest admission that every one of us have dreams, we carry wounds, and we are capable of wounding. It is the story we all belong to: imago Dei and the Fall.

This is the story that Christians must live and tell, well.

We do better to spend our time doing these: dreaming, healing and serving.

"For we can do nothing against the truth, but for the truth" ~ 1 Corinthians 13v8

3. we are all tired and being tried

The earth is heating up, and the world is longing for renewal. We have exhausted many avenues for change. But there will always be fighters, warriors, dreamers and leaders because God loves us. There will be a cataclysmic end, but it is so wrong for us to get judgmental simply because there is a Judgment coming. 

Wishing judgment upon any nation, people or group reveals more about your heart than theirs. I believe it breaks God's heart. When we turn to our cliches that 'God is on the throne', let us be sure He is on our thrones in our secret hearts.

Wishing judgment exposes what is going us in us. We are blaming our woes on others. I have been there. I was angry with American entertainment for tainting our marriages, homes, youths and children. I was mad and disappointed at leaders for failing to stand up for the weak. I was upset with Wall Street and the White House.

But I clearly see that I did not care enough to pray properly in a sustained fashion for a world that is reeling. When I began to, my heart changed. Clinton, Obama, Miley Cyrus... every one needs prayer.

GK Chesterton's reproach is apt here:

The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.

It is time for us to try and go about it all very differently.

Beware what we share and spread.

Become clear what we believe.

Be first a pray-er than a proclaimer.

Who can we trust? 
Christians, we must trust each other. We won't be at the same place in maturity and conviction. But let us start at the point of trust, allowing others to speak their wisdom and share their stories. We must learn to rebuild trust and not contribute to any unnecessary breakage.

In trusting each other, we honour God and trust Him as He has promised to never leave nor forsake us. In trusting each other, we make room for growth and transformation, partnerships and new possibilities because the Holy Spirit in us will lead us into all truth.

Where are the real victories?
More than any time in human history, we risk anarchy and the rule of the demagogue. More than any time in human history, ancient and traditional familial lines and community loyalties are being challenged.
When we can create a society and communities where there is faith, hope and love, so that the truth of God and His amazing love is not obfuscated, we showcase the victory of the Cross that reconciles, heals, and unites. We represent the nature and desire of God. This is victory, and one that truly lasts.

Let's shoot for real, true triumphs!

here's great, thoughtful, music to help us get there:Andrew Peterson's The Burning Edge of Dawn

all images from: http://politicschatter.com/politics-talk/slideshow/best-photos-2016-campaign-trail/

December faith

A few things happening around this season conjured up this post.

December of course, is about Christmas - so a reckoning of faith, celebration, busyness.

It is also about a year coming to an end - so a reckoning of things done, and undone.

For me, it's also about remembering my mother and brother with whom i have no means, technologically or otherwise to connect with and actually chat with.

It's also a time when some venture forth across the borders to live differently and bring goodwill to others. My church had a team that went to Cambodia, many for the first time; and Cambodia of course is a nation still recovering from abject darkness, the years of recovering from it not unlike the pockmarked streets and the scorching sun: uneven and trying.

So this post is for:

> the mission trippers who witnessed such outrageous, unexplainable evil, rampant, chronic poverty, and lived with far less than you ever had....or those missing bits of yourself.... Your hearts breaking beyond your control.

> the parents, leaders & children who as 2015 closes are feeling exhausted, drained, disappointed.... Your hearts stone-heavy and barely able to register a different rhythm.

> For those who are a lil frantic over the festivities.... Your heart bobbing in waters of uncertainty: who to get gifts for, where to eat and more.

Here we are:

A broken and sick world

A slap-together, try-to/get-by life

A demanding season

This world,

This life

This season

Is exactly what Jesus enters into.

He did not visit, stop by, or hovered near. He entered it. 

God has never once left this world He made so beautiful; but to be sure we get it; Jesus comes in human form -- right into this madness, mess, morass, moral vacuum.

And his coming was heralded as God's GoodWill towards our kind. 

God desires good for us. And not just a good life of relative ease. But a life of His Goodness oozing forth from our pores even when we cannot see how and don't feel the least bit of it.

But - someone wants to fool us, pull the wool over our eyes, sidetrack us, set us back, defeat us.

He makes evil loom so large

He makes the journey feel so hard

He makes the glitter shine so bright

Yes, lose sight, lose steam, lose your steering wheel .... and drift... so that...

we are no threat to darkness for it has shrouded us and cowered our minds.

 we are not able to triumph for the hard realities of life have deflated us and maybe even embittered us.

 we are not sure what to focus on and pay a price for because there's so much we want and everything is clamouring, 'buy, try, taste, don't lose out!'.

"what is seen was not made out of what was visible" ~ Hebrews 11v3

There is a difference between what is seen and what is visible.

In the verse it refers immediately to God's creation work: He made things out of nothing - Ex nihilo they say it in Latin.

And doesn't it seem like nothing, non-existent, doggone impossible?

Can bones live?

Can a nation heal?

Can I make it through this long painful journey?

Can I release my grip on everything and cling only to Christ this Christmas?

This season of faith: being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see ~v1

Jesus stands before us, and asks, 

"What is frightening you?""What is draining you?""What is distracting you?"

Tell it to him. Then ask for a better picture.

The entire account in Hebrews 11 is of folks who saw a picture that wasn't apparent, obvious, ready. But they saw it and they acted and built their lives around it. That's faith.

photobucket

This season of faith: be more sure of what to hope for and be certain about.

2016 won't be the same.

Love, sex and The Marriage

In one conversation with a young adult about marriage, she was honest enough to say that while she wasn't crazy about settling down; she did wish to experience sex.

She is still single today; and I am glad she is living purposefully.

But society has made sex such a big deal, and such a cheap thrill.

Even while we still shift uncomfortably in our chairs and blush at this topic, the world has charged ahead to accuse us once again of being priggish, prudish and behind-the-times. Faith is for old ladies with knitting needles, not hot-blooded gals and guys. Not only that, our whole one man-one woman arrangement is outmoded and o so restrictive!

So today, we need to talk about sex, for these reasons:
1. sex has become synonymous with Love in our media.
2. sex is not properly wowed about

In our day of self-fulfillment at practically any cost, those of us who believe that sex is a holy thing properly handled in suitable places and ready hearts are made to feel backed into a corner and have to explain ourselves! We are the accused -- our broad and grand ways in Christ are made to be narrow and old-fashioned and we are labeled fear-mongers.

But I think my little parenting wisdom works here too: like I teach my kids, if you are right, you don't bother getting angry.

We work with our script and guard it. Not let some thief come in and rip it up.

Let's return to point 1: sex = Love. The equation is clearly flawed. Love is far more than sexual intimacy (& intimacy ala Hollywood's sizzle).

Ask the couple who struggles to consummate but have stayed married. 

Or the couple that no longer can due to illness, imprisonment or abandonment. 

Ask those who had a go but have since been let go because a wilder body walked by. 

See the unlikely couple who is now going to have a second boy. (this world-class guy-without-limb Nick V).

nick 's family last year

Sex is a gift so powerful we unwrap it too early and wrong to our peril. Ps Scott Sauls puts it this way:

God put guardrails around sex because sex is the most delightful, and also the most dangerous, of all human capacities. It is a transcendent, other-worldly experience. Sex works a lot like fire. On one hand, fire can warm and purify. On the other hand, if not contained properly and handled with care, it can burn, leave permanent scars, infect, and destroy. So it is with sex. I have seen this play out in scores of pastoral situations over the years. “There is a way that seems right to a man,” says the sacred Proverb, “but in the end it leads to death.”

The Bible describes sex as an interchange of two souls within the boundaries of a marriage between a man and a woman. It is meant to be a physical expression (and not the only expression) of our human longing and experience for love. And this particular expression is a fire that must be lit only when one is mature enough to be committed to handle the fire that it is: you do not walk from a fire as it can burn things down.

So, the larger thing is the Marriage. And that is the real Wow.

For those who fight for their right to marry whoever they love and want to commit to; their frame of reference is self, love and sex. The marriage arrangement is plagiarized in order to become mainstream.(and if we out ourselves in the shoes of those who have been the target of venom and deep prejudice, we would empathise). But it goes to show that --

Marriage is the real wow.  Whether arranged by elders or the outcome of a pursue-response of two who felt drawn to each other... or even the political outcomes of a lobby for reasons ideological and economic, marriage remains for many a state to be much desired.  So whether you entered it to become like the others, to escape, to grow up, to move on.... All married people soon hit a fog almost impenetrable. It is so much more and way too little at the same time. Yes it has taken us millennial to uncover this and we may never fully figure it out - because even Paul, enlightened by the Spirit only manages to say this much: it's a mystery folks.

We had paternalistic models that we balk at today. Thankfully many societies have moved beyond that and Jesus' treatment of women was most instructive and catalytic towards this huge sea change. Yes there are many marriages that do not shine or even survive. Yes, you and I may not have an easy go at it for many reasons including the intrinsic difference between the genders which can make union challenging.

But that the realities are broken shards does not mean the actual Vase did not exist before. It just means someone broke the Vase. And since we no longer have that pristine Vase, frankly, we're all a bit lost! But the answer is not to each grab a shard and cut ourselves till we bleed for our sense of mastery of the mystery. No, we take the shard we have and we imagine the Vase while we appreciate the shard!

This imagination is what we need.

a surprising rainbow and its glow on a dark evening - the whole rainhow is in your mind

What would happen if we could recover Love and Marriage for the grand vision that we glimpse from revelation? 

"What if we  shifted our emphasis toward THE MARRIAGE to which all other marriages are but a shadow—the mystical union between Jesus and his bride, the Church, which is inclusive of believing husbands and wives, as well as widows and widowers, divorcees, and other unmarried men and women? According to sacred Scripture, no matter what one’s marital status or sexual orientation, the first moment of trust in Jesus makes that person as married and complete as s/he will ever be. From our first moment of faith, Jesus is our Bridegroom and we are his Bride." (Scott Saul)

What if we thought and started to feel along these lines? Those of us married, longing to, unable to, not yet ready to... 

We would cultivate our hearts and coach our lives towards the purity, passion and purpose that Christ deserves.

The longings of our hearts and the yearning of our souls which are satisfied when we commune and unite with God is what this marriage picture is about. it is about lives reconciled and at peace with God. It is about hearts on fire with passion for God. It is about time, talent and tools all directed for the purposes of God. This is what lovers feel - the desire to join, and this is what the sex act does.

At the heart of all of life is our need to return to God, to be united with Him. We did not just go through a status change, much less a change in our habits or lifestyles alone. We underwent an essential change of DNA. The Western church with its rationalistic mindset is not so familiar with this way of seeing or saying things. But Paul talks about it from various ways:

But he who is joined to the LORD is one spirit with Him ~ 1 Corinthians 6v17 (NKJV)

...put on the new nature, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of is Creator ~ Colossians 3v10 (RSV)

The new DNA opens up our original need and longing for God. Some of us feel it more keenly in nature and beauty. Walking among the trees and feeling the wind gently on our cheeks awaken something in us and we come alive. Some of us gravitate towards ideals and strong causes and are energized as we pursue just actions. Others of us enjoy quietly making notes and marking our trails....behind it all is Love's creation of us and drawing us to His naturally inclusive, embracing reality. Our desire for love is a response to the call of Love. And it does not take marriage (and sex) to respond.

You are loved my friend. 

the post by Scott Saul
readings on faith and sexuality within the larger context of Friendship

Seeking Faith

Faith is not fluff ; but sometimes, it can feel like vapour. 
It is hard to grasp and hold on to.

Over my fish lunch today I hear a friend share her struggles and she asks, "how is it faith doesn't seem to make a difference here?".

You and I share the sentiment. In our own lives, we wish faith can shatter the dark like a hammer or else unlock a treasury of new possibilities so that we can step out of these old tired shoes we have been wearing and are cramping our feet. Sometimes faith seems so powerless; like when -

fear and doubt darken the corridors of our mind and we shut down a little
discouragement returns even as we just set our heart to move forward
persistent pain stares us daily as things remain unchanged for all our thumping on heaven's door

We look at ourselves.
We look at our spouses, children, situations, and we ask, "how can it be done?".

How does God's kingdom come and will get done in this world bent of breaking it all apart?
How does it happen, and will I be able to really spot it?
How do I make it last long enough to become a happily-ever-after?

When will night give way to day?
when will the flowers finally open to the sky and bloom?
when will we really make a difference - that lasts?

We look at ourselves. And we wonder, "where is my faith?"

and God whispers,

"Those are questions of a faith-filled heart. You have not lost faith. You have lost sight of what faith is built on."

Then I lift my eyes - and He continues,

"It has been done."

I get it.

The Cross and the Resurrection has done it: the deep reversal, the overturning, the upheaval.

We are in the season of the dust settling; so we see unclear.

And because it has been done; it will be done.

Those who see, such as St Paul records his sighting for us:

"...Christ is all, and is in all (and we God's people) are clothed with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience (where we are able to ) bear with each other and forgive whatever grievance..and put on love which binds us all together in perfect unity as the peace of Christ rules in our hearts...together with His Word so that we are able to teach and admonish one another with wisdom and praise God in song and psalm, with gratitude. 

Then everything we do - let it be directed towards Jesus!" 

~ Colossians 3v11-17 paraphrased, Jenni c.2014

Our part -

"..if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. 

Pursue the things over which Christ presides."

"Don's shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, be alert to what is going on around Christ - what's where the action is. See things from his perspective."

~ Colossians 3v1-2, The Message version

Looks like we need to train our eyes to look past the obvious. Help each other here: share the good stuff worth looking at can?

And each of us on a quest: the perfect mate, the great marriage, the dream job, the 'calling'... place them where they belong: personal ambition, fear-prompted, envy-triggered or is the quest really initiated by God and is your Father's heart for you?


And some serious effort here:

"throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.."

 ~ Heberws 12v1, NIV

This week: what hinders you? What entangles and catches your feet so you stumble?

Share with us: fill a comment. You never know who you will lift up with what you share honest and faith-seeking.

Lost, setback, and feeling your faith is small?

Lost.

Listen, when you live in a lost world, it is natural to sometimes feel the lost-ness.

The directional signs are all over the place. Fat is bad, fat is good. Go here, no, there! Do this – now! Save up for retirement. The trend is graphics, the trend is finance, the trend is start-ups.

Our ability to choose is sabotaged by the profusion of available choices.

And then, we stumble. Things go awry. Relationships hit a wall. Promises are forgotten, our hearts break.

Set.back. 

Sounds like all our steps led to nowhere. Sometimes it can even feel like after all the effort, conviction, and sacrifice; we regressed! After all, we are getting older and someone told us we were meant to move forward, to go from  ‘strength to strength’. Aw God, this is so darn disappointing!

Maybe I heard wrong. Maybe I did wrong. Maybe, my faith is too small. No, a small faith like a mustard seed moves mountains. Where is my faith if I am walking into mountains?

Go on and say it: I am disappointed. I am sad. I am mad. I am giving up.

It’s okay. These feelings happen: lost and setback, unsure, frightened, feeling vulnerable, wanting to let it all go, angry, resentful…

You are not being held by your feelings anyway. Not even by your faith. {I shall talk about where that comes in later}. You are being held by Love. Love is unafraid of your feelings. Love sees them, absorbs them, bears them.

Blessed be the Lord,
    who daily bears us up;
    God is our salvation.  Selah ~ Psalm 68v19

The fruit of pain is often cynicism. It is also the fruit of years. Growing older can make us more cynical as we encounter more of life and people.

\ˈsi-nə-ˌsi-zəm\

: cynical beliefs : beliefs that people are generally selfish and dishonest

So, just in case, we will not lay all our cards on the table. Just in case, I will withhold myself. Just in case, I will self-protect first.

The problem is, we were designed by God to be free, safe, and fully engaged. Life is an immersive experience. You find it and live it as you dive in. Holding back lets you see the water but not feel its power. To dive in, one will have to trust that the water will hold you up when you relax and let it. But we thrash about so!

God’s answer to this is so simple, we often miss it.

G-r-a-t-i-t-u-d-e.

Being grateful is a posture of dependence.

Being grateful is an exercise in defiance.

Being grateful is engaging with the Unseen and announcing its triumph over what we see.

Being grateful is laying down a traceable trail in this world of crisscrossed pathways.

It is hanging on to what little faith because that little faith is hanging on to a Great God who is holding on to you, with no intention of ever letting go.

Such that, we can,

give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. ~ 1 Thess 5v17

God’s will is that we remain thankful because this is how we remain faithful.

Your feelings are real, but they are not truth. Tell them to Him who is all Grace and Truth. He will hold you, steady you, and as you pour your heart out, and begin to write down your thanks, He works things out – and we can see the good without straining.