The rot of Impatience

I want patience,
and I want it now!

Did you chuckle? This was a popular preacher's get-some-laughs line whenever the topic was Patience. But it's a joke that still works today.

Patience is hard, and our fast-paced, efficient society filled with conveniences makes it harder. We are used to quick and quicker. But the price we pay with our souls and our relationships are evident. So we see the pushback with mindfulness, meditation, the slow movement and so on.


I really am curious to know statistically how many people are truly more calm, patient and happier with so much spa, retreats and yoga going on everywhere.

But what's the big deal with a lil impatience?  A lot.

For starters, it's pretty much grump to be around someone who is irritable and convey that they cannot wait to move on to the next thing.

Impatience breeds many woes:

communication breakdowns
suspicion
bad decisions

These in turn can lead to burnt bridges, broken hearts, shattered relationships and regrets that sap hope and faith for the future.

Singapore news has been hogged a fair bit the last few years by our train system. We had trains that stopped mid-tracks, didn't stop at stations, announced wrong information, and most recently, flooded with heavy rains causing a massive twenty hour outage. People called for heads to roll. The company offered the unusual move of amnesty in order to surface the reason for the flooding. Parliament talked about it.

Naturally for a modern economy, train failures supposedly cost us. It's inefficient and creates a lot of inconvenience (those words again) and extra work.

Who doesn't like a well-oiled system that never fails?

(As an aside, if we cling to these values, we will capitulate to machines very soon. They are after all, more predictable as long as there is power).

The train debacle revealed that there are cultural and systemic issues. Among other things, this means that along the way, decisions were made and protocols were created that did not make sense or did not really work well. Could it have been Impatience at work?

So is it a case of Impatience breeding issues which we now want to impatiently resolve? Hmm....

Meanwhile back at home base,  I see the effects of Impatience up close on a daily basis.

Isn't the dh going to say goodbye?
When is she going to do the dishes she agreed to wash?
Hasn't the timer gone off, and the fella is still Minecrafting?

Impatience when activated, routinely call for reinforcements known as Raised Voice and Routine Arguments.

So my tone and volume goes up a little. No response. It goes up a little more.... and at times, this leads to the scenario where the unwashed dishes now become 'when are you going to be responsible' kind of talk which can become a cultural and systemic issue!

If I am not careful, my soul caves into anxiety and anger along with the impatience. The relationship then gets coloured by such episodes and the entire atmosphere at home can change.

This is the rot of Impatience.

We get so quick at sizing up situations, labeling them and judging them. But lives and loves take time.

Each life and each relationship and each situation has its own timing for development and fruition.

Jesus asked us to consider the lilies of the field. That's not the easiest thing to do! We reduce that to 'take time to smell the roses' and by that, we mean a quick, token whiff that is an insult to all roses and their magical fragrances.

The lilies' splendor and beauty comes in their time.

Jesus says even the wisest and richest king could not arrange for such an array. Woe be the day we engineer everything to suit our time! The rot will be endemic then, and I shudder to consider the price we will pay for it.

For those who are serious about the spiritual life, every generation and every cultural milieu poses soul threats.
Post-modern living has a way of conforming our souls to a small restricted space as everything careens and spins on. The solid core that should hold us and keep us robust is weak and un-exercised.

We live on borrowed manna from others. We survive and cope, rather than thrive. We are a jangle of nerves. We are breathless. The core of our being is eaten up by the demands and the rot of impatience gnaws away from the fringes inwards. We lose sight of why we are so busy and anxious, and don't have the time to find out.

When I sense the rot of Impatience, I have found that two things stop the infection. First, holding my tongue. Second, choosing trust.

These two are impossible to do unless I can go to God regularly and let my tongue roll, where the questions, concerns and anxieties are unloaded. It's a heart dump of sorts. Then I need to know my Scripture, for nothing secures trust like the Lord's eternal word. I let the words sink a little deeper, I pray them, I write them down, I sing them. So I can trust that although things may not seem to be the way I like them, I can continue to sow and wait for the harvest.

Then I see in my imagination, something like spring visiting a frozen heart, life coming back in and hope arising.

I may text the dh a tender greeting.
I may just do the dishes.
I may ask why the game is so interesting.

Or

I may text a reminder that ends with a funny gif.
I may focus on something good.
I may wave a little note that says 'time's up!'.

Because growth takes time. A life takes a lifetime. And we don't need the rot of Impatience to ruin it.


What triggers your impatience?
What builds your patience?

Do you have a Q for Jenni? Email it to: johhuan@gmail.com [if it will bless others, she may share it while you remain anonymous].

It's all about The View: I zoom out and try to get God's view!

Did you ever feel like you are backed into a corner and have only so many options?

I am feeling it right now. In my case, it's just one option. Nothing life-threatening thankfully; but here is what is happening.

I have lived in my flat now for eleven years. We renovated it when we first moved in. Then we had to repair the toilet - twice! (At one time, and it still happens some days, I live in a first-world flat with a toilet that annoys me with third-world sewer smells. It's a mystery says the plumber... and I remind myself what privileges I enjoy already).

Now we are about to embark on another project to create a personal space for the mighty teen. There is a natural space for it but because of The View, we have to carve out the dining area to create her room.

This is The View.

The Bishan Park - one of Singaporean's favourite local spot!

To keep this view; we will embark on an inconvenient and unconventional plan involving carving out a room on one side of the dining area. This will create a less than satisfactory balcony space, permanently remove my sunny spot for the laundry, involve relocating three bicyles, and, upset the cat... it's a lot to deal with.

But it was hard to battle The View.

We all agreed that we loved The View and the area should remain as is and not become someone's bedroom.

In a way we kinda worked ourselves into this spot. We chose to turn one of the rooms into our home office complete with so many shelves lining the walls; sleeping in it will feel way too bookish; and a bed cannot fit in anymore. So yes, this decision made it necessary to make the current one, because of course of The View!

The view is great. It's hard to beat in a city. It's been paid for and scrupulously maintained by the government. You can see life, families, animals all having a spot of life with exercise and movement and the occasional picnic and photo shoot. Why, even the Prime Minister has chosen this spot to make his speeches!

But one consideration can sometimes limit us.

Like the time I spoke with a retiree who said he wouldn't think of traveling overseas even though his skills are most helpful; because he gets motion sickness.

It is really funny how one thing can dictate another. I have stopped eating chicken lately because I suspect the feathered friends are not longer on chummy terms with me as I get hives from so much as drinking the stock!

What's more; sometimes. the one thing can run our lives!

There are those who can analyse a situation to death; but for most of us, I notice that we mostly live with a view round about the tip of our noses. We don't make all the connections or think hard and long enough about most things. I notice 3 things about most of us:

Our attention spans: brief.
Our analysis: limited to what we can associate with.
Our responses: hemmed in by emotions that cloud our seeing.

So perhaps we live a little too close to ourselves, and not enough in touch with others. Really.

Besides, every one else must fit into the frame of our view or be blurred and lost in peripheral vision. 

All the more so when you live in a competitive, fast-paced island with a narrative that we must keep swimming faster or we sink; our view can become pretty narrow. We can go so fast, things can get so blur; we don't notice, care or engage - really.


So here we are, each one of us, muddling and hustling along with the weight of our own universes on our backs.

It's a sadly funny sight at the train stations in the morning: teeming scores of people looking bored, tired, and wishing they were somewhere else. Our own weights get so much some resort to pretend to sleep to avoid giving up their seat to others; while others require a poster to remind them to 'bag down' so they don't hit others with their bags! Don't we notice that there are other people?

Just the tips of our noses and our own heavy bundle.



What happens when we can zoom the lens out and see a wider picture? 

I have noticed things I didn't before.
I see connections I didn't pick up earlier; that may explain some things.
I have realised that things take time to pan out; and my present panic isn't worth it!


What happens if we can pan out some more -- all the way to where God sees things?

I try to imagine.

A lot of what I fuss over probably won't matter.

and -

Patience ~

the situation may change.
your heart may grow stronger.
your spouse may get the chore done.
your child will grow up and be more responsible.

On Mother's day I had gone to speak at a church where we were at more than ten years ago. I can remember the parents who angst over their teens. The teens who didn't seem headed anywhere. Then I see them - some have gotten married. Some have really surprised us! The parents are in such a different place.

No matter how many flowers we have seen blossom; each flowering still needs its time to go through the stages. We have to be patient.

And I remember too that there are different ways to think about Time.

 The time we are most used to is chronological time (Greeks call it chronos). But there are other ways to see the passing of the moments, the events, the seasons. There is kairos, when time is ripe, special, a divine intervention, a heaven-touching-earth moment. Then there is teleos which speaks of time moving towards a final purpose and towards an end goal.

For the faithful, kairos and teleos shape and define chronos. Our daily hours and moments are meaningful and important because they can be interrupted by Grace and explode with potential. It is not a mere ticking of the hours. We live present, and with a sense of joyful expectancy because things are leading up to something.

This is The View - the really big picture!


When I look out my window onto the park; I imagine God looking at us. I see the the smallish people alone or in groups. I notice the water, and I often hear the noises, cries and barks. All of it forms the picture of the park at that point of time. I don't have the wisdom or insight into the specifics or can quite describe how they fit into that day's plans. But God - when he looks at us - He alone knows how the puny bits that are us fit together in the grand scheme of things.


So, when I get too caught up with the minutiae of my life and begin fussing over what I feel is missing; I remind myself to expand my horizons and think of other women, mothers, wives who live in the next block, the neighbouring nation, the further reaches of our earth. This I remind myself is God's view.

My prayers and requests are valid but they are not definitive for life.

When I feel like it is but a daily grind; I try to spot the kairos moments of Grace and pray to see that things are shaping up and working out. I plaster patience over my anxious heart and call it to be still once again.

It's all about The View.

How's yours?