What?! NO work?

I got a call from a older woman in my profession one day. It was to talk shop (of course). Since i felt some connection with her, I ventured to share that I will be quitting work at year's end. I appreciate her concern, but her immediate, snap response to me was: what are you going to do?
Do-ing is such a huge part of our lives that i guess my plan to stop work sounds really airy at best. Yes, what am i going to DO indeed?!
Actually there's plenty being done all the time - waking to the day, talking to a neighbour, feeding a stray, reading a good book, writing to waive that parking fine (haha), minding the kids...caring for the older ones... but i guess these are not 'jobs'.
She immediately offered me a position with the attendant, 'grab it while it's good' overtures.
I have never been worried about not finding something to do; being paid for it is another story!!
But so far Providence has seen to it that i have enough to get by. So at the nudge of Grace, I have chosen to be job-less - and I have already heard a mighty chorus of protestations....from within me and around me.
I have a fear of heights so looking down the rungs of my vocational ladder to find my feet to climb down was rather giddying and very unsettling.

Perhaps the relentless whirr of hard work Singapore style tires you too. You may not need to get off; but I would highly recommend getting away some. Detach yourself a little more in the new year from your work.
I am more than my work.
You are more than your work!

my swearing neighbour and her weight of love

as those who know me know, i am a feline lover. yup, it cat's rule and dogs drool for me. (i do like dogs, but they do drool).
one day when i came home, i found this notice at the lift landing:
"stop leaving your kittens at my corridor! i will CURSE you!"

that was strong. wow, the person who put up this sign must detest animals, i thought to myself.

well lo, yesterday i met the person who put up the sign. it was none other than the rather famous-in-the-nighbourhood cat-lady. she lives on the ground floor and has several cats outside her home on 24-7 surveillance duty.

she spewed the curses not out of hate for animals but for love of them. for every unwanted animal she finds at her door, she has to expend time and money to send them to the SPCA. i found out she works as a home-service masseue after her cleaning job's pay package suffered a dramatic 200-dollar reduction.

the weight of love.

she totally loses it that people will be so heartless and take her so much for granted.

i think those who dispose of their kitties at her place must have rationalised their way without thought for her. i was proved right when i bumped into someone and shared her plight. The reply: "but she loves cats what!"
She does love cats but she has not signed up to be the feline-rescue mission of the estate!

this only shows me one thing: it is so easy for us to think along our line of thought and completely miss another (perhaps more valid) viewpoint altogether.

as this episode goes to show, we can really get on each other's nerves without intending to. the only cure it seems would be to feel some other nerves on a regular basis - practice empathy - then, such wildly maddening things need not plague our communities small and large.

on gaiety

I signed the petition to retain the penal code. Why? because of what it stands for. those who argue for the law to be repealed insist that from pactical reality; such a law is obsolete. True, criminalising something does not make it go away. Plus we do have the challenge of enforcement.
But wait! Should the law and media only reflect reality? Should they not also hold up an ideal for society to aspire towards? perhaps it is to our common loss that some things have become obsolete?
If push comes to shove, can we be honest that some of us want to dream and pursue wholeness while others prefer to operate at a more material level?
The fact is, when we pare the law down to the material level, we have done total injustice to an entire segment of humankind! We have denied ourselves the freedom to dream and long for perfection, beauty, harmony, and truth. How can that serve humanity well in the long view? [actually behind this whole let the law reflect what is happening is a way of thinking that what is, is best - a highly unstable position to assume if you knew the second law of thermodynamics]

Further, there is place for mutual and deepening understanding; if we give it a chance. There are gays who also want to pursue a more idealised state of life with covenantal faithfulness. I am married and find this whole till-death-do-us-part deal no piece of fruit cake. We can sit down and talk about what we desire in common: being faithful; why we find it a challenge and how we plan to make it through.

Keep the law, it's there for an august purpose. Live your life; but be honest and serious about what you are pursuing and be open to hear, learn and change.

aura photo headshot?

there were these two photos aligned for comparison: one with, another without - aura! yup, that's the new thing to hit spas. find out your aura and improve everything from circulation to waist-line!
this prompted my mind to recall a Q my seven-year-old posed to me just recently: why did adam and eve eat from the tree of theknowledge of good and evil? why didn't they eat from the other tree?
i told her i dont know. but one thing i do know: we can see the effects of that decision everyday.
i mean, isn't it true that we humans live on the brink of finding that one more piece of information that can make life healthier, happier and richer? from auras to patents to spirituality - we are continually on a hunt for the better, stronger, wiser, more efficient way to go about life.
which makes us run like mice on the ever-turning threadmill of effort.
i better sign off before i my writing leads me to some premature conclusion about how this would all turn out better...if only we knew...

solve this problem or shape a life?

some organisations have a fire-fighting modus operandi.

but it ain't they that run this way. for many of us, life seems to be lived perpetually at problem-solving mode.

a friend's marriage was falling apart - not that it was much of a marriage in the first place..so we took the problem-solving approach. but alas, we seemed to have solved a present problem but failed to address the deeper root issue. we could not get near it with a ten-foot pole. in a society that values success; having problems is ok, but looking for the disease at the roots is a totally different and wholly unwelcome proposition!

and so, he begins another relationship.
he feels he is entitled at another go (his third). he will do better. learnt a thing or two from the last mess anyway...

fly in the face of all probability my friend - and sorry shall the outcome be.

Now i know. we are like trees. with need for strong roots.
and a reliable water & nutrient source.
but -- o, here's another problem blinking on my radar.

wiser now, i want to look at roots: mine and others.

and be willing to do the hard work of digging around, overuturning soil, getting dirty and sweaty.

problems can be solved with enough money, right connections, sheer determination; perhaps. But the shape a life takes on is a daily, intentional, thoughful, and at times painful process. it requires we excise some things, shake off others, and even turn tails and run at times. it requires we re-arrange our layout and re-define our frames of references. it requires we ask often and wait for our answer: why?

trust

it's so hard to trust.
at one level, our world operates well only when we trust. we need to trust that our money works, people who promise deliveries show up, signatures carry actual weight...
but at the inter-personal level, somehow that breaks down really fast.
we seem almost on the look out for signs of betrayal.
the moment we detect so much as a hint of it, our fright and flight response rears up...
then of course, there are those who seem bent towards paranoia. you may have met them.
so from neighbout to employee to spouse to God, we struggle to trust...
perhaps this is because our hearts are not at rest. we sense that something is amiss and needs to be set right.
what do you think?

they-we? world without strangers?

wow. we studied about the world becoming a village nearly 15 years ago in school...then globalisation shifted from the imagination to the immediate. living in singapore - eager to maintain our economic security, and welcoming people from many lands onto our shores; i meet them everyday. from the foreign worker to the expat wife, from the chinese national to the ang-mo (caucasian).
it seems like the world - not its dream destinations - but the real world - the people - are right at our door-step. and it gets uncomfortable. i am no xenophobe and generally love adventure and the excitement of meeting people. but today i caught myself short.
a filipino lady was on the same bus as me. she wanted to get off near bishan park. that's all fine except bishan park is a huge stretch with several stops. i wanted to talk to her and help her clarify where she should actually get off. instead i sat there and watched as the bus driver told her to get off at the first stop of the park, 'this is bishan park la!' i felt tired. without thinking, my system knew well that this will not be a fun, easy conversation. i will need to work at understanding her and making myself understood. plus, after all the effort, it may actually not help her. so i sat there and just hoped she did get off at the right stop.
world without strangers? i think not.

the loving and gay thing to do?

i sent this into our national paper, The Straits Times after one correspondent wrote about how his lesbain friends were to him 'model citizens' and suggested that if singapore wants to be a global city, she must be more tolerant and accept gays.

Subject: the loving thing to do

I am married and have kids; a girl and a boy. Both marriage and raising children are hard work.

The funny thing is Devan’s friends seem to have it all. What a sweet picture he has painted of his lesbian friends. Interestingly, they are high achievers with, I would suspect, quite a bit of money on their side. Artificial insemination is no polyclinic deal. I am not sure what bases Devan uses to hold up his friends (they sure sound impressive) as model citizens either. If having a partner, a job and kids; paying taxes, and being religious is it; Singapore is full of model citizens really.

While the verdict is not yet out on the genetic basis for homosexual tendencies; there is ample evidence that gender differences have genetic foundations that began in utero. I have a daughter and a son. My method of child-raising is not gender based; but voila, they are simply different. Just watch my girl pat the cat and my son (er..) pat the cat!

The argument for love is always so winsome. In our world so torn by conflict, violence and violation; we all long for love. Unfortunately, love is interpreted as being tolerant. The question is who gets to determine what is considered tolerant? Will we be more liberal if we tolerated incest, under-age marriages, cohabitation, blended families and so on? Tolerance is a poor substitute for love and peace. True love and peace is not no-holds-barred. No parent in the right mind can raise children, no society can run and persist, no great ideas can blossom – if all we have is free rein.

Yes there is much that is wrong in our world. But the loving thing to do is to embrace the broken-ness and work for the healing. I believe that the broken-ness of our world has its origins within each one of us. Perhaps if we can embrace ourselves – not just as egos; but as belonging to something larger; that in our interdependent world, our choices impact others, we can think deeper and harder about life and our choices. Perhaps if we can embrace ourselves – and see that from alcoholism, to violence to sexual tendencies – we are all spots on a huge continuum – and yet each one of us has much to offer the world. Perhaps if we can embrace ourselves – and see our lives as gifts to each other; and not get fixated in the game of tit-for-tat; limiting ourselves to only a certain vision of life….perhaps…

and can it be?

i borrow the famous line from Wesley's hymn - well - because he just said it so well! doesnt life give you moments when you just ask, 'and can it be?'
it's something beyond the scope of experience, explanation, and frame-able referencing...like, if you suddenly believed you need to step away from a job, losing title, status, stability...and you are filled almost with a sense of awe about it. between the awe and the dread that you will fall thud! on the hard ground of reality - i can only gasp in open wonder, waiting for things to unfold and my own heart to flutter to a place of rest; 'and can it be?!'
you got a 'and can it be' to talk about?

accused

what is it about being accsued that we so detest?
i brought my son for a haircut his first at a salon. the experience was harrowing for both of us. i felt cheated and rushed. the dresser left the moment she flicked off the power switch. her unintersted colleague stood there to receive payment. i was miffed so i said: i dont feel this is worth my seven dollars.
after all, her partner did not even bother to wrap us in the usual large piece of fabric and so i had hair all over me (even if its my sweet son's hair!)
guess what happens next? she said 'madam how can you say you dont want to pay"
i was taken aback; tried to explain myself and she stood her ground "you say you dont want to pay"
so i raised my voice and said " that's not what i said"
she shot back "o you talk so loudly to me.."
this incredibly absurd exchange nearly ruined my day.
as i thought about it; i wondered why i did raise my voice.....
i think we all get defensive when we are accused. justice seems to be hardwired into us. of course, in the course of 'life' we get used to different meanings, standards and nuances of justice...
but we hate being accused!!... we really want to set things right. somehwere, someone must set things right - one day.

eating in the pews part 2: 4 more Cs...in singapore christianity -- Zoe or Bios?

2. Conduct
So much of what passes off as spiritual content is spiritual lingo. After a few years in the church sub-culture, we learn to say the right things – but as the prophet indicts us, perhaps our hearts are far away…(Isaiah 29v13)
From being late at church, to skipping small groups; from discussing our latest golf scores to talking ad nauseam about the latest dish we ate; so much of our conduct gives away the fact that we live on the bios level. Young people dress just like the models in the media and we older ones have no wisdom to counter-offer them. Does it not matter how our conduct affect others? From the Bible, it definitely does! Yet we are mostly preoccupied with consumption and measuring everything by that yardstick. Church, let us see more radical giving, sharing and Sermon-on-the-Mount type living!


3. Community
The church in Singapore is abuzz with activity and hectivity as she lies on a relational sickbed. Perhaps the greatest give-away that we are being conformed to our world is the poverty of our relationships. Jesus has said that we will be known by our love. A certain quality of relating is meant to mark the Christian community. Do you and I know this first hand? Are we seeking it and living it? I was struck by Paul’s statement to the church: “from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view” (2 Cor 5v16).
Some bemoan the fact that society is fragmented and the church’s emphasis on age-group ministries deepen this divide. But simplistically lumping everyone together is plain naivete. We need to get beyond the forms to the heart of things and then put in place radical forms that heighten and affirm both reality and truth. With the twin tensions of increasing contact and intensifying depersonalistion in our world ; the church’s relational DNA is truly her best showcase of the gospel’s power to save. It is a power we must unleash.

4. Confusion and Conservatism
Humankind has always tried to remake God in our image. This danger is heightened today. As long as we treat God as a consume-able; we can slide dangerously into the muddy waters of changing our minds and fashioning for ourselves a God that is more acceptable. Perhaps you prefer a Jesus who is more emo, more sensitive, or (!) more retro…?
Trying to fend ourselves against the enemy; we so often foolishly cross swords with each other – when after all, no one has a monopoly on God. We must humbly assist one another to interpret and respond to the revelation given us in Scripture, tradition and current experience. We serve a risen and living Saviour; not a text book model.

5. Conflict
Recently, some spates of conflicts have made it to the pages of the national newspaper. Of course, the media does not owe it to us to celebrate our triumphs; but for the church to turn outwards and seek redress from the world is absurd. There is enough of God – through His Spirit – to unite, bind, free and heal us from everything, if we will but let Him lead. If we see church loyalties as badges of good taste and premium choice we brandy about, we have made a mockery of deep spiritual truths and break our dear God’s Father heart. Yes, one-ness is well nigh impossible. Perhaps this is why we have One who makes intercession for us towards this end. My husband always taught me to love Christ is to love His Bride.
Our witness is bundled with our ability to resolve conflict and move beyond differences and difficulties.

Zoe or bios; the choice seems inane to have to make. But in a world that thrives only on bios; we must be careful to appreciate, affirm and renew our commitment to zoe. And it will not be by sheer willpower, good intentions or right doctrine. As Zechariah was given to understand, it will be by the Spirit. (Zech 4v6)

eating in church - consumers in the pews.

Christianity is the invitation and challenge to live – zoe – really live. The Greek word zoe which is used to describe eternal life is different from bios which is used to denote simply breathing and hopefully, moving. To zoe is to really live. It is resurrection life – a life no longer encumbered by the grave clothes of sin, the past, and death. It is a life so attractive, so dynamic, so impactful that it was once described as ‘turning the world upside down’ (acts 17v6 ASV).

Everywhere the gospel has been preached and lived, the forces of hell and the darkness of the human heart has tried to prevail over it. Thankfully, Jesus has so assured us: I will build my church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it (Mt 16 )

Jesus’ assurance follows on the God-given utterance by his burly disciple Peter that “Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God”. This means that no church or Christian should sit on our laurels and hide behind nice sounding theological-isms such as ‘once saved always saved’ or whatever else when clearly our hearts and our lives are not proclaiming that Jesus is the Christ and in his life, message and mission, we have our life, message and mission. Zoe life is to share and live out Christ’s life. In apostle Paul’s lingo, ‘Christ in us is the hope of glory’.

Mere words will not suffice as we learn from Peter – he who uttered such divinely inspired confession will soon betray His friend and master.

Some years ago, it was popular to speak of Singaporeans pursuring 5Cs: cash, car, condo, and so on. I borrow from this a warning for us to beware of 5 Cs that are making our faith and witness anemic.


1. Consumerism
Consumerism is the dominant value of life today. It determines so much of our life. From the time a baby arrives, we are bombarded with decisions of what to buy and use. This does not let up as we choose schools, careers, partners and eventually, the place to deposit our ashen selves. To be alive today is to consume. This is bios today. When we are not deeply aware of this, we can trade in our precious zoe for bios.
Signs of consumerism abound in church today. The locus of worship is that we come together to adore and praise our God, thank Him for the gift of salvation, and celebrate our family in Christ – proclaiming the good news of the gospel. Instead, with our consumerist, demanding selves, we get stuck in intransigence over matters of style, seating arrangements and Holy Communion liturgy. We measure each other by worldly standards and enter the church not to be changed but to exact our expectations and dues from pastor and fellow alike. We measure church health and growth by output and wrongly equate maturity with ‘ministry’; often perpetuating the Singaporean busy-ness syndrome.