2012?

2012.
I am sure when I was twelve, I could not fathom this in any calendar.
But here I am, at the threshold of it.
it is a big deal - this passing of time. For it's a ticking of our heart and an inching towards the inevitable: our very own passing.

Today, i saw an advert for snail cream. You heard me.... to SLOW down (get it?) the signs of aging from acne to wrinkles.

Go ahead, look good, eat rich, travel wide, so much! But the inexorable force called Life and Death tugs at each of us daily and really, the direction is clearly marked. How can such a simple truism escape us? How can it fail to wake us to 'number our days' and pursue wisdom?

Because the Invitation to really live is daily drowned out by a well-thought and worked through scheme which surrounds, invades, cajoles, convinces us by the moment: this is all there is. So,

 Take it all. If you don't, someone else will. Nothing is safe, no one is secure...take it now.


This mantra is there in pictures, words, sounds, voices. We seem unable to escape. It feels easier to succumb (nicely worded as 'go with the flow').

But then comes a precise point in time. When LIFE rent asunder this madness and denied its power and grip. When LIFE chose the lowly, unlikely, weak and un-esteemed...and whispers through the cold wind, the desperate cries of broken-hearted mothers and the fantastical proclamations of angels to those who could hear.....

Goodwill to men
Peace on earth
Joy!

Since that point in time, we have moved on - many moons, generations, wars and gods later..
and LIFE's invitation continues to ring out in the smile of a infant, the chuckle of a child, the mad dash of a boy let free, the embrace of lovers who know love, the hands that touch kindly, the old woman who prays daily...
each one a tear in the fabric of this tightly woven, suffocating, cloak of inhuman-ness.

and one day, it will be torn asunder and the Glory of LIFE will shine through full.

CHORE-deal countdown!

We returned from Batam on Fri evening and leave for KL on Sun noon.
We have now done 3 loads of laundry in my 5kg machine that is missing a button but still works. We coz i set it up, Abi helped me sort the clothes, the machine goes and then Abi and/or Keith helps bring me the hangers, take down the previous lot...fold ...complete with --

"come on, you can do better than that"




"Keith, just think - everything must become a square or a rectangle ok? neatly now..Abi for goodness! show your brother how to do it....."
"Abi. i taught you all these things patiently..do the same for your brother!"


And God is on my side with sunshine each morning!

i just re-folded the lot Dad tried to fold ! Thankfully he didn't go all glum when i hollered

"i think i need to give you a quick tutorial on folding clothes"...He's at the PC - me tuned out?

It is easy to fixate on the back ache and the grumpy attitudes that inevitably surface..esp when the kids go on about 'hey, this is NOT my chore!'...but thank God's Grace..better ideas invaded my mind. So i slowed down, sat down and while foldng clothes, washing dishes or eating dinner, said.

" what do we do as a family?"
Keith: we help each other
"what do we do when we dont know how to help?"
Keith: we learn or ask someone to show us
"Abi?"
Abi: ya..(returns to her book faster than my next breath)
"i want us to be a happy, family where we help and work together. it is up to us to make our home clean, organised and a place of joy. And each of us needs to do our part ok?"


we pray for Grace.

But just as we are learning this...and they say it takes eight weeks to develop fresh habits..we leave for KL and if all goes as plan, we return to a nice clean home coz my helper would have returned!

THINK fast!

An opporturnity for growth and change must never be squandered....we will visit this in KL - how we have grown and how we can cherish and stay in the growth path.

CHORE-deal continues...

A wave of weariness lapped up and i missed the convenience of having a live-in help. But the sunshine of regaining control, re-imagining family life perks me up each time...In fact, this little kiddy refrain competes with the Christmas carols in my head:
"this is the way i do the laundry, i do the laundry, i do...
this is the way i do the laundry, so early in the morning"

It's fun planning the menu, buying stuff, cooking it all up.
It's fun doing the clothes, putting them away, glad that my family is dressed in clean, sun-warmed clothes and the towels are soft and fluffy again.
It's fun reorganising things to make them more tidy and efficient
It's fun to plan on all the helpful gadgets i will get to help me go about the chores more quickly...that twisty floor mop, the power vacuum, the ...
It's definitely fun to watch the hubby chip in and bark the kids around a bit!

But this mountain we need to climb over in time: me being tired and the children maturing to understand that all this is kindness, collaboration, teamwork, home-work, and Love.

Interlude: Advent Meditation 1 (Chore-deal Log will resume...)

A Quiet Morning

~ Season of Advent ~

Themes:

Longing

“how many of us share the longing of the ancient prophets who awaited the Messiah with such aching intensity that they foresaw his arrival thousands of years before he was born?

What am I longing for at this time?

Do I long for anything?  Is it Christ – who is my Life? Or am is so full of plans, thoughts and ….stuff…even pain, that my capacity to long for Christ is squelched? And i live like the walking dead…going through the motions and resenting, ranting, griping when things don’t go my way?

Do i  dare long for anything? Have i given up hope for change, newness, transformation because it seems i have waited so long?

GOD show me what is going on deep within me. YOU alone see truly, fully and with full love..

Welcome

“can we welcome and fully receive what Jesus and what he brings if we our hands clasp so tightly to so much?”

What am I holding on to?

Amazing how such small hands can hold so much: the past (glories and regrets), the offence, the fears, anger…ambitions…questions, doubts..

Did i not ask to hold Your hand? Where is it? why am i not holding on to it – fast and tight? When did i let go….was it because i was..

Distracted

Distressed

Disappointed

..and i let go, and began to fill my hands with all these other things?

GOD, pry my grip open. I don’t even know totally what i am able to let go. But i need Your hand that never lets go. I release my grasp.

You have laid your hand upon me (Psa 139v5).

Readiness for action

“Advent is expectancy…. and also readiness for action: watching for God to open a way and being willing to step in, risking everything… for a new beginning…”

Will I follow when He shows the way?

O GOD, i can sense You are at work. There are invitations. The wind of the Spirit blows..but i am so slow to rise and follow. Still so occupied to really notice. Shadows of my past lurk around… saying i can never be fully free, reminding me harshly of failed attempts..accusing me of pride, discontent – all working to force me to retain the status quo. Give me courage to believe, to see, to trust, and to follow.

Lead me on level ground (Psalm 143v10)

CHORE-deal Day 3

"Instant Lagsana"..and then as i read on, it said "..bake for 45 mins"!. Drats! Dinner will be late and I have an appointment too...
So far, we haven't really had one of my afore-thought-through so very carefully, well-planned days.
Today, the kids who slept in the living room sofa bed and struggled to wake up..brother had a feverish feel.
We were meant to go for appointments so some quick decisions were required; which also included: can he eat his butter toast or would he prefer oats (which of course sets in motion a different set of chores ie. wash one more pot!). Thankfully, no, not really he says...
With the strong sun, i quickly sun his pillow and blankie (sun kills germs said my mom) and put the towels to wash. i was glad i woke earlier and most of the floor was already cleaned. Sister was set to clean her room with the Magic clean floor dry wiper. She was impressed with the dirt she picked up! [dont we all adore results!].

With brother unwell, my position on the superior value of home-cooked meals was sealed. O great, i have some stew left..macroni soup is always easy when you've got something to stew it in. Yum.

Most of post-lunch, i was in a meeting; but work from home meant knocks on the door...
"mom, sis is not sharing the book she bought"
"mom, can we watch TV?"
"mom, how long will you take?"

as well as me zipping out,
"sis, quick fold these clothes [imminent rain]"
"little brother, are you drinking?"
"hey, who is responsible for this mess?"

Then came the lagsana saga. Dinner was forty minutes late, but no one minded coz' they were all playing Wii....until I said, "Dad, can you help me with the floor cloths later?", "Who is setting the table?" ...and after dinner,
"O no! which sponge did you use for the dishes dear?!"

The house stands. My back is upright. There was some fray in motivation -- but we are doing ok!

The CHORE-deal Log

Day TWO.
Abi is still complaining about how many chores she has compared to her five+year younger than her brother. But she moves it swiftly when told and true to her early childhood training does a decent job (trainer mom takes a bow).

Dad who self assigned dishes hit them with enthusiasm, washing up when breakfast wasn't over! Guess he had to leave already...

Mom has taken a deep breath and postponed the sweeping, opting for laundry (to catch the sun) and fixing lunch...after clearing the other half of breakfast of course.

Lil Keith left after breakfast to an unwelcome Chinese enrichment camp..and we have to wait and see where that leads him emotionally!


What is the value of manual work to you?

"The LORD GOd took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and take care of it."

So, it isn't exactly Paradise Lost when we need to wash, wipe, scrub, fix and ... *wink

Grace tracks

GRACE, God tracks us who once sought Him.
This past week, what i have believed, written and taught came over me again - - and Grace works like strong relentless waves, crashing up upon the shore until it is clean. Lapping at the edges of faith until fresh sand, sea glass, seaweed contours...

I stood powerless, I who once fought and worked hard for my vision of the glorious...too tired to want to try anymore. If God only showed up when I was depleted, it would seem cruel. But no, i know He has constantly been around. i have a record of the wind blowing...but i really did prefer my way, my time, my outcomes...and so i had to fight till i tire.

And then, Grace still came around.

i want to take some credit: all the hours of trying, praying, buckets of tears...
does it matter? In the mystery of love and time, Grace gathered everything and mixed them into a healing potion. Will i drink this cup?
i sip tentatively... strength, hope, even warmth returns...

now i must note Grace's tracks and keep walking in the path set out..

Really Live !

2012 half day quiet

After getting some affirmation, i am going to facilitate Half-Day Quiets from 2012.
Yes, each month, i will welcome up to 4 persons to join me as i take us deeper and closer to Jesus.
To join me, you need to sign up and send along a small fee (i need to prep).

Each half-day Quiet will have these components:
- gathering and focus
- personal quiet
- re-gathering and sharing
- sharing around light lunch

Some months we will hold it in the newly re-landscaped Bishan Park (which is where I live)...coz the weather is real nice and cool.

Check back again for more details...and drop me an email at jenni.yt.hohuhan@gmail.com
if you are interested to come to one.

Thanks

Lesson from a little bird

A welcomed distraction interrupted my ignoble thoughts (the poor me types.). from the window, a clear tweeting sounded. A little brown bird was sitting near the highest tree branch, looking around and letting out her beautiful, soul-lifting intones.

Bird sounds have always lifted me. As I took in her music and sense of equananimity, i recalled how as a young girl i would have said that God sent the bird to cheer me up. Did i believe that now? I hesitated – and then I asked why.

I did not hesitate because i doubted God’s love for me. Indeed, over the years and through many vales, my view and experience of God has widened and deepened. He is greater today than He was when I was twelve. Yet at the same time, I would not describe God and everything as if it revolved around me. I am content for the bird to be where it was simply because it was. I do not feel the need to explain it and lead the conclusion to my paltry self.

God no doubt made the bird and gave it its song. I am grateful for what the bird – one of God’s creatures – did for me, another of God’s creature. But there was no need for me to hack a fine trail insisting God sent the bird or something. In a sense then, i have matured. Children are the ones who see everything from the standpoint of self. It all begins and ends with self. But maturity means we accept that other people, and other dynamics count in a real and amazing way. 

The bird, me, and whatever else is bound up in God’s love and it is far greater and more beautiful that I can perceive. For me to narrow it down to myself – no matter how sweet and faith-filled it sounds – is a lesser vision of biblical glory.

St Francis of Assissi, once a rich young man, disavowed all his earthly inheritance and took vows of poverty and traveled sharing God’s love is famous for his song that praises the created world. He found such a huge and wondrous gift in God’s creation that he called the sun and moon his brother and sister!

Our modern take on life is really to use and discard things. Often what is not useful to us doesn’t receive our attention (and that includes humans alas). We have the ‘delete’ or ‘trash’ icon on our computers and ipads to help reinforce that.

With this mindset, we insist that things are good or useful or God-sent because it served us in some way. We have lost the sense of wonder that comes when we remember we are created beings and that God is going to restore the world.

The birds are still singing out there as I write. If they are grateful and excited about the world, i think i should take a leaf from them and be content and expect good things this day from my Father.

travel notes: Ubud, Bali

We wanted a getaway ie. to get away from what we have come to associate as 'life". So it must be somewhere different and will demand something different from us.
I settled on Ubud, Bali - a largely rural, highly traditional network of villages slightly north of all the more usual beach-tourist-city spots. The omnipresent expressions of folk Hinduism: carvings, flower offerings, small temples in homes and along the streets, were pretty overwhelming. It's like stepping into a whole reality.

The Balinese were gentle and nice...like many of their Asian coutnerparts who have not been pressed into the modern city mould.
We stayed in Tegal Sari which meant the vale of rice fields. We have a one room tiered ground floor apartment that opened to padi fields. It's a totally unSingaporean view!

Our four short days filled up with enough adventures...
watching piranhas tear away at a chicken
a moment with the wood carver
a driver who pretty much explained everything Bali to us
Dad & daughter climbing up a volcano hill to catch the sunrise
Keith making his own kite Balinese style..and boy does it fly!
Being harrassed by monkey at the monkey forest
Mucking around a black sand beach
& fending off 'can we have the ipad?' moments & those sibling spats ---

-- well...some things you cannot get away from...!

dreamers

i keep returning to this.

we are dreamers

of an impossible dream

today

i read about missions

youths, adults, children - 

scattered like salt grains in large plates of rice, wheat, millet..

flvouring 

and preserving?

do you see the young man with his guitar

that young gal walking with the darker skinned sister

the streets mill

with people who don't see them or hear their message

but they stand, sing, speak

and do what they must and what they want

for they are dreaming

that impossible dream

made not

imagined not

attained not

by their sacrifice

tears, fears and weariness...

Yet Someone takes all of it

and mingles it to form miracles

and so, we dream

and 

dream

and dream

on..

to really live means...

Morris West

It costs so much to be a full human being that there are very few who have the enlightenment or the courage to pay the price. One has to abandon altogether the search for security and reach out to the risk of living with both arms open. One has to embrace the world like a lover. One has to accept pain as a condition of existence.

Source: quoted at herondance.org

A ! moments with God

today as i head out to have some personal quiet..which s really hard since i was going to Macdonald's..but well, I have found a way to tune out the noises....and...i..i received the "A! moments with God". i tried it and found it very refreshing and easy to remember. 
It is basically 3 parts:


Appreciate
- taking time to just appreciate where  you are at, and not at(!), people in your life, and pray blessing over them. i also took time to appreciate God Himself.


Anticipate
- is being quiet and still so the noises of your soul emerges..and u listen to the tunes: is it playing fear, worry, restlessnes...? Ask the Spirit to point the way. our current state predisposes us to choices and consequences. so anticipating is both looking within and looking ahead. at times the Spirit wants to highlight what lies ahead in our path and grant us wisdom to navigate with sensitivity and courage...


Anchor
- in Scripture and prayer..continue with what u are reading or ask for a word...and lay down your defenses and choose trust.


There- A! moments with GOD. Enjoy yours and tell me how it has changed your personal quiet time.

today's discoveries

Do you ever feel glad that something you beleive to be true, a gut feel, a hunch, a sense...is verified or supported by
research
others sharing your view
a line in a book
actual stories baring it out
i do
and today, i discovered- at breakfast with a working-class couple: Singaporeans' average income as represented at a recent political speech is perceived to be inaccurate. They should average white-collar incomes and blue-ones separately.

- while reading on the internet: advertising can rightly be considered pollution and a form of imperialism writes Micah White; we live in a toxic culture that hurts us more than we realize.

- more ideas for the children on the internet such as seterra - a geography download full of quizzes to help them navigate planet earth! (Keith and I merrily clicked on Asia and filled out the countries)

- that being loved can be hard when you are not loving

till next time fellow earthling, human and friend!

O kids!

Anger's seedbed
i don't really know where all the anger came from - i who author a book about happy kids, no less! But since he was able to toddle, it became clear i had an angry child in my home. He stomps on the bug without compunction.  He swipes at the carer, he throws stuff..then come the fists, the words and those moments when he literally runs away!
Yes it does get tired and it's not easy not to dish out anger in reaction.
But hey, i'm the adult. Being angry is not a bad thing coz there are lots of things to be angry about in our world - and it may well take some really angry persons to set them right. i see justice-advocate imprinted on his little developing soul.
The seeds that carry a harvest of anger include: feeling powerless (if you have a smarty-pants older sister!), sensing ongoing frustration (how come i dont get to make the rules?), and sadness.
So i had to learn how to help him
1. recognise the different seeds
2. find the right way to plant them (express) or discard them
3. develop a problem-solving mindset rather than a victim mentality.

we have used
-colour coding at age 3 to describe levels of anger
- verbal expressions at age 3
-empathy at age 4
- self-control at age 4
- focus on the good at age 4
- scenario assessment & problem solving at age 5

The other day, after an outburst, he said "mom, i felt like half my heart fell to the ground..."
So i say, "how do we pick it up and put it back? wo can help?"
..."if we ...would someone else's heart fall to the ground..."

He got expression, empathy and problem solving..until the next day!

So far? Lots of friction and some traction. We made good distance but it's gonna be a marathon for sure.

my latest book!

This is how the new book looks like. available at all bookstores and from Amazon. Spread the message of hope!

fullyalive?! will metamorph..stay in view..

dear friends, after recently being duly impressed with some blogs and also realizing that blogging is a recognized work..i am pumped to give this home a makeover.
and Providence sent someone to help me - who tend to make machines go 'ping'!
so pls pray for the changes, for the writing, for the impact.
and visit in a few weeks' time, bring some friends and a cuppa and catch up!

thanks.
jenni

Since young we watched nature documentaries. Before i could pronounce 'theology' i felt it... enjoy friends!

madness of faith

what is this deal called faith?
a madness.
isnt that the way we describe and treat those who have
friends unseen,
conversations with the air,
sudden smiles that light up the face,
uncommon strength, resilience and
dogged persistence?

why i seem to keep ...believing things will get better
that perfection will arrive
that hope springs up
people will change I will change
Someone hears me
knows my name
holds my hand

sign your name friend if you share this madness --
your days filled with ordinariness and yet streaking with glory
you died so many times yet live and
you plan to live forever because Someone told you so.

perhaps this is where we differ from those who get housed
we share this madness.

each time i walk the streets

each time i walk the streets

my heart tumbles as i see

lives, stories, minds, pains, longings..



our bodies are so smooshed on the train but

sharing air

nearly barely breathing properly

and yet

worse than strangers

it's like nothing is right next to us (unless he smells or make a noise or step into our space)



eating

buying

rushing

going

talking

looking

looking

looking



what is really real to us?



and Jesus - where is He?



in me.

in me?

safely tucked inside to be let out in church and cell?

in me?

trying to get out perhaps?

in me?

O Jesus, i dont hear and see the bodies all around

s'fraid i dont really see or hear u either...



so

now

what

marking Nanking - thoughts on a play

nelson chia's third take on the massacre was n honest, caredul attempt. he cleverly tried to stay out of the way of a subject to huge and intense to be easily interpreted, portrayed or even referenced.
however, he comes short of a deeper, more engaging delivery; because as he honestly adnits, after looking and reading the materials for so long, he does get numb to it.
but as the audience i am not numb and dont want to be. he tries to steer awat from shock value but the direction he is trying to orient is in the end unclear.
perhaps he can rest and come back with fresh hunger for a deeply disturbing subject most of us reduce to image and newsbyte: power, evil, and choice.
would being informed by the philosophers give the piece more depth?
could we ask what the average Japanese was doing, feeling and believing until the atomic hell befell them? did these ordinary souls not have any power of influence?
i want to come away challenged and changed by art.
but the poser at the end was a math question that could not do that. i can easily distance myself - i wont be pressing the button to release the bomb - yes, 250000 lives here, 300000 lives there...
and it's still faraway..but evil instincts - o have u never ever delighted in dark deeds..., perhaps that's too direct for our postmod milieu; but that is what makes art powerful: it seeks the truth.
HHistory will have subjective bits; but the truth still stares all the same. humankind has a dark side that can consume us all - unless - we face it and bring it to light.

i look forward to version 4.